While I’m Being Peevish

7 11 2010

Y’all know I’m a jerk, right?

Okay, I’m not. Usually. I am, however, rather rigid when it comes to certain things, like, say, grammar.

Full disclosure: I’m not perfect. (I know! Can you believe it?) If you come to me tomorrow and say, “You claim to be all high-and-mighty miss fabulous grammar, but you said this the other day…” I will punch you in the head.

Go ahead. Try me.

Also, if you read this and think I’m picking on you…I’m not. These items come from a variety of sources. If, however, you realize you use all of these phrases, you need serious grammar rehabilitation.

Without further ado:

Stop Making My Brain Explode: My Short (and Random) List of Grammar Nit-Picks

  • Oh, hey! I didn’t even have that on my list – it’s not “without further adieu.” I know you want to be all Frenchified and stuff, but it’s ado, meaning “without further fuss.”
  • While I’m discussing French, let’s talk about the word voila. It’s not walla, wallah, or viola. It’s voila. When you remove the lid to a dish with a flourish and say, “Voila!” I know you want me to behold the majesty of your culinary efforts.
  • Men do not have a prostrate gland. They have a prostate gland. As entertained as I am when I hear the phrase, “He had his prostrate removed,” I’m pretty sure that’s not medically possible.
  • Do you need to call for backup? Summon the cavalry, not the Calvary. Trust me on this one.
  • Stop using the word supposably. Yes, technically it’s a real word, meaning “capable of being supposed,” but let’s be honest—you really meant to say supposedly.
  • Irregardless is a stupid, made-up word. Just say regardless.
  • My son has motor tics. He does not, as the nurse wrote on his diagnosis form, have ticks. Big difference.
  • I worked with an incredibly intelligent woman who used the phrase “might could” on a regular basis. It made me want to cry for her. The phrase “I might could come over” makes me die a little inside.  “I might come over” or “I could come over.” I know it’s a regional thing, but “might could” just makes you sound uneducated.

I have approximately 50 billion more grammar pet peeves, but I’ll stop there. I’m guessing a few of you have something to add, so feel free to chime in with things that annoy you.

Just don’t disagree with me. I’ll go all Word Girl on you. Minus the monkey, of course. Who has the money to buy a monkey these days?