You Have Chosen…Poorly

25 04 2011

Gather around, kids. Today’s lesson centers around the importance of choosing a clean font. Now, I’m no graphic designer. Everything I know about font selection can be summed up in two bullet points:

  • Never, ever use Comic Sans.
  • Or Papyrus.

I think we can all agree I have much to learn in the graphic design arena.

Recently my sister-in-law forwarded an email she received from Talbot’s, a women’s clothing retailer.

What’s their slogan?

Had my sister-in-law not forward it with the advice, “read carefully,” I would’ve seen “Every Woman, Every Style” and gone on with my day. Most people’s brains will automatically correct a typo to the closest approximation. It’s how we’re wired. Still, it made me giggle. Every woman, every stye? That doesn’t really motivate me to buy clothes, though I might consider some soft washcloths.

I clicked over to their website to see if it was limited to their email marketing. Color me surprised by what I found:

Holy crap, y’all! That’s stage! Apparently nobody checked to see what the slogan would look like scaled down before they gave this campaign the go-ahead. Whoops.

The more I stare at that slogan, the more annoyed I become by the juxtaposition of script next to a traditional Roman font.

Overall, I’m going to call this an advertising fail. I’ll give them props for jumping on the “using regular women instead of supermodels” bandwagon, but that’s about it.

I’m Only Thinking of Him

17 02 2011

I’m only thinking of him,
I’m only thinking of him,
Whatever I may do or say,
I’m only thinking of him!
In the very heart of me
There is Christian charity
I’m only thinking and worrying about him!
~ Man of La Mancha

There are times when I wonder why Car stays married to me (correct answer: because I’m awesome).

At bedtime a few nights ago he was reading the usual bedtime story (Planets, Stars, And Galaxies: A Visual Encyclopedia of Our Universe) (What, that’s not what your 5-year-old requests every night?) and he had to put up with this:

Car: “A neutron star isn’t really a star. It’s more like a giant atomic nucleus—”

Me: *Unable to ignore the fact that he pronounced it nuke-u-lus* “A what?”

Car: “A giant atomic nuke-u-lus—”

Me: “I’m sorry, what was that?”

Big G: “He said a giant atomic nuke-u-lus!”

Me: *horrified Big G is now repeating it* “A nuke-u-lus?”

Car: *glaring at me* “Fine. Nucleus. Did you want to read this?”

Me: “Not really. Carry on.”

Fourteen years next month, people. The man is a saint.

Even if he does mispronounce nucleus.

While I’m Being Peevish

7 11 2010

Y’all know I’m a jerk, right?

Okay, I’m not. Usually. I am, however, rather rigid when it comes to certain things, like, say, grammar.

Full disclosure: I’m not perfect. (I know! Can you believe it?) If you come to me tomorrow and say, “You claim to be all high-and-mighty miss fabulous grammar, but you said this the other day…” I will punch you in the head.

Go ahead. Try me.

Also, if you read this and think I’m picking on you…I’m not. These items come from a variety of sources. If, however, you realize you use all of these phrases, you need serious grammar rehabilitation.

Without further ado:

Stop Making My Brain Explode: My Short (and Random) List of Grammar Nit-Picks

  • Oh, hey! I didn’t even have that on my list – it’s not “without further adieu.” I know you want to be all Frenchified and stuff, but it’s ado, meaning “without further fuss.”
  • While I’m discussing French, let’s talk about the word voila. It’s not walla, wallah, or viola. It’s voila. When you remove the lid to a dish with a flourish and say, “Voila!” I know you want me to behold the majesty of your culinary efforts.
  • Men do not have a prostrate gland. They have a prostate gland. As entertained as I am when I hear the phrase, “He had his prostrate removed,” I’m pretty sure that’s not medically possible.
  • Do you need to call for backup? Summon the cavalry, not the Calvary. Trust me on this one.
  • Stop using the word supposably. Yes, technically it’s a real word, meaning “capable of being supposed,” but let’s be honest—you really meant to say supposedly.
  • Irregardless is a stupid, made-up word. Just say regardless.
  • My son has motor tics. He does not, as the nurse wrote on his diagnosis form, have ticks. Big difference.
  • I worked with an incredibly intelligent woman who used the phrase “might could” on a regular basis. It made me want to cry for her. The phrase “I might could come over” makes me die a little inside.  “I might come over” or “I could come over.” I know it’s a regional thing, but “might could” just makes you sound uneducated.

I have approximately 50 billion more grammar pet peeves, but I’ll stop there. I’m guessing a few of you have something to add, so feel free to chime in with things that annoy you.

Just don’t disagree with me. I’ll go all Word Girl on you. Minus the monkey, of course. Who has the money to buy a monkey these days?