I Already Have My BS in Pooponomics

12 10 2011

I’ll be the first to admit that I, like many parents, am far too comfortable discussing my child’s bathroom habits. It’s a sad but true fact that changing diapers removes the taboo that exists in society regarding poop talk. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as children’s bowels do odd things and it’s reassuring to talk to other parents and know that your child doesn’t need to be rushed to the hospital before something horrifying and irreversible (possibly involving a colostomy bag) happens.

Advertising executives are aware of this crucial time in parents’ lives and (being the soul-sucking bottom-feeders they are) they do their best to capitalize on it. I’m not fond of this. As relaxed as I am about describing the consistency of my son’s last bowel movement, I balk when I see an ad that features the word “poo” in large bold letters.

The latest offender:

Give Poop a Chance? Seriously? I’d love to know how many hours went into that slogan.

On second thought, maybe I don’t want to know.

*Random thought: Do you think the ad campaign was thought up by an ad exec while he/she was sitting on the toilet?

**This ad was in the Reader’s Digest. My love for that magazine just keeps growing.

***If I see one more commercial for the remake of Footloose, I will stab someone. Is nothing sacred?

Wordless Wednesday – Every 6-Year-Old’s Got One

20 07 2011

See it?

Your Kids Could Use a New Hobby

4 06 2011

I love where I live.

Today I was looking at information about the County Fair. I’ve never actually been to the county fair—I’m a little freaked out by all that pie baking and livestock showing. Also, I’m pretty sure it smells like poo. However, my anti-fair stance might change this year, as I discovered the fair holds a fantastic yearly competition:

Now, a taxidermy competition is plenty awesome, but it gets even better when you see the first class of competition:

No. Way.

This, of course, piqued my interested. Are there really a lot of budding taxidermists out there? I Googled “taxidermy for kids” to find an answer. Strangely, there’s not a lot of information out there about classes for Big G unless I want to move to Guyana (I do not). Apparently the best way to get Big G involved in taxidermy is to encourage him to collect roadkill.

I’m not making that up.

From Amy’s Animal Art Taxidermy: “My interest began as a hobby at age 13, when I would pick up roadkill and practice skinning and tanning the hides.”

Amy, now in her 20s, is an accomplished taxidermist with many happy customers:

I don’t know that “happy” is necessarily the adjective I’d use, but what do I know?

Ah, screw it. I don’t know anything. I’ll just take the kids to Build-A-Bear. That’s pretty much the same thing, right?

*Best summer camp course ever: “Mad Science: Plush Toy Taxidermy.”

Just in Time for Christmas!

4 12 2010

I have a Google alert set up for articles about my autoimmune issues. Today I clicked over to one, only to find it featured those really annoying little key word ads—you know, the hyperlinked ads that pop up a little window when you hover over a word. It was distracting. And annoying.


I don’t even want to know.

Also, I’d like to apologize to those readers who feel they didn’t need to know my period started. After I posted last night I thought, “You know, my readers really don’t need to know that.” That thought was immediately followed by, “But if I only tell them what they need to know, this will be the world’s shortest blog,” because when it comes down to it, none of you need to know any of this stuff. You obviously want to know it. Why else would you keep coming back? Unless you have some sort of self-flagellation thing going on. But if that’s it, I really don’t want to know about it, so I’ll pretend you really want to know about stuff like vomiting toddlers and my period starting.

I like how we have an understanding about these things.

In Summation

3 12 2010
  • Vomiting 2-year-old with bonus! diarrhea
  • Whiny 5-year-old with cold (much worse than it sounds when said 5-year-old has a grotesquely long tongue and the disturbing tendency to lick the snot off his nose)
  • Early arrival of period complete with headache, cramps, and hellacious acne

People? I’m done with this day.

Money-Saving Measures

13 11 2010

Another Peevish Pharmacy Post

6 11 2010

Notice how my angry pharmacy posts pop up when I work 10-hour shifts? How very coincidental!

Customer: “Do I have refills on my diabetic test strips?”
Me: “The prescription expired seven months ago.”
Customer: “Oh. Well, I only have a few left.”

I check her profile. She last filled test strips eight months ago.

Eight. Months.

Today she comes in and begs us to float her some test strips, because she’s totally out and she really needs them and what will she do without test strips because then she won’t know what her blood sugar is and maybe even go into a diabetic coma and then won’t we feel so bad!

Okay, I’m exaggerating that last bit. But really? She couldn’t manage to get a new prescription during those eight months?


I’ve been compiling a new list of petty annoyances:

  • Remember when I talked about my archnemesis, the drive-thru? I’m adding a new item to the etiquette list: When I ask for your picture ID, simply holding it up to the camera doesn’t cut it. Who even does that? (Spoiler: our customers.)
  • And not to harp on that whole picture ID thing (I know, I know. I bring it up in every pharmacy post.), but your LDS temple recommend is not an acceptable form of ID. I’m sure you’re a great person and all, and I’m happy that you’re worthy to attend the temple…but no. Not happening.
  • Two weeks ago, I returned 36 prescriptions that never got picked up. We do this once a week, and always have at least 20 to put back. Why are you people going to the doctor if you don’t actually need medicine? It annoys me.
  • This conversation needs to stop happening:
    Customer: “I should have a prescription called in.”
    Me: “I’m sorry. There’s nothing here.”
    Customer: “But the doctor’s office said they called it in.”
    Me: “Well…I’m sorry. We haven’t received anything yet.”
    Customer: “But they said they called it in!”
    I’d like nothing better than to wave my magic wand and make prescriptions magically appear, but thus far that particular skill has eluded me. I promise I’ll let you know when I get it figured out.
  • If your prescription was filled over two weeks ago, we’ve returned it to stock. Seriously. Do you know how many prescriptions we’d have sitting around if we didn’t do that? Also, insurance companies don’t really like it when we accept money from them for medications you don’t pick up. They’re funny like that. So yeah, you’re going to have to give me a little time to get it ready again.
  • I’m really, really sorry your insurance company requires a prior authorization on your medication, but I can’t force the prescription through. That’s something that has to be resolved between your insurance and your doctor, so please stop getting angry with me when it doesn’t work.

Okay, this last one? Pay attention, folks. I’m aware that things happen to your prescriptions. You’ve got kids, things spill, etc. That said, when you hand me a prescription that looks like it has bodily fluids smeared across the surface, please tell me what happened. The phrase, “I’m so sorry, I spilled my coffee” goes a long way toward allaying my fear of whatever horrible diseases I’m going to contract from touching that nasty piece of paper you’re handing to me.

Unless, you know, it really is some sort of bodily fluid. GACK.

Thank you, lovely readers, for letting me get that off my chest. I feel much better.

*Really, WordPress Proofreader? You don’t know what an archnemesis is? If I had any respect for you, it would totally be gone now.