4 08 2013


Approximately 11:30 pm

I’m estimating the time since I have no watch or clock in my room. Related: I was going to say “guesstimating” but then I realized I despise that word because 1) it’s not a real word and 2) it means the same thing as estimating. Seriously, who thought that up?

Car and the boys visited today, which was really nice. We talked and played UNO and built a house of cards, which we promptly destroyed. I wasn’t even sad when they left, because they’re coming back tomorrow.

I wish I had more to say about today, but it didn’t end very well at all. I’m hoping I can sleep and in the morning the world will look brighter.


1 am

So desperate for sleep I just drank herbal tea. Please to be killing me now.

3 pm

Group therapy just turned into a one-person rant, so I walked out. It’s nice to have that freedom. None of the groups are required. They’re strongly encouraged and if you don’t show up I’m pretty sure it’s noted in your record, but there’s no mandatory attendance for any activity on the unit.

It’s nice to have some freedom.

This morning I skipped two groups and took a 2.5 hour nap. It was glorious. Then I went to “Expressive Therapy”—Apples to Apples. With actual therapy thrown in, of course. That’s one of the differences on this floor. Then at the end of the game she thought it would be fun if we took the green cards we won and use them as descriptors of ourselves. I had “graceful” and “spunky.” It’s like the game knows me. 

9:30 pm

There’s been a lot of drama on the unit tonight, mainly centered around the group ranter. It’s making many of us tense and uncomfortable. It’s not okay for one person to have this much of an influence on an entire floor of mood-disordered patients, and I wish there were something the staff could do about it. But what, really, can be done? Drug one individual into oblivion so the rest of us can breathe a sigh of relief? As fantastic as that sounds at the moment, I can clearly see the injustice of such an action.


So here I sit, edgy and annoyed and wishing people would just be quietly depressed like me.



5 responses

6 08 2013

What a wonderful world this would be (if we could all just be quietly depressed) – no guns, no drugs. Just quiet. And depressed. Keeping you in my heart.

6 08 2013
Erin Ann McBride (@erinannie)

I just wanted to tell you I’m reading along and keeping happy thoughts in my heart and a few prayers for you too!
And I don’t know if you can see it or not, but you are already showing improvement! Your comments about seeing the wisdom in not letting one person’s actions control others, and yet not fair to punish that person? Something most people never do accept in life.
You’re amazing. And doing something incredibly hard. I’m proud of you and to know you.

5 08 2013

I have never met you but found your blog through a mutual friend on facebook. You are so brave and so amazing! I just wanted to let you know! You have got this and I wish you all the best!

5 08 2013

Gags are handy in this situation

4 08 2013

I love you 🙂

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