For Maggie

15 10 2012
Unable are the Loved to die
For Love is Immortality
~ Emily Dickinson

Dear Maggie,

Today would have been your 12th birthday. I’ve decided you probably would’ve been a chatterbox and I’d nickname you Magpie. You’d probably hate it.

I hope you wouldn’t hate me.

Your brothers know about you now. During the last year I’ve told them all about you. Little G asks where your house is and when he’ll get to meet you. I think he’s a little bit too young to grasp the whole death thing, but Big G gets it.

When we had to put our dog, Tigger, to sleep a month ago, I told the boys he went to live with you. I hope that’s true. It made them feel a lot better. It made me feel better.

Today I bought balloons.

As the sun was setting, our family went outside.

And then we released the balloons in your memory.

We watched them float away until we couldn’t see them anymore.

Years ago I bought a little candle and decided it would be your candle. It’s not expensive or beautifully packaged, but it’s yours.

Tonight, after everyone was in bed, I burned the candle and I thought about you.

Twelve was a hard age for me. I suppose it is for everyone, really. I try to imagine what life would be like for you, but I just can’t. It was much easier for me to conjure up an image of you as a baby, a toddler, a little girl. But a preteen? I’m at a loss.

It’s been a good day today. Your dad bought flowers for me and I had lunch with your aunt. Dad and I carved pumpkins with your brothers. I haven’t even cried…until now.

Twelve years is a long time to miss somebody.

It does get easier, but it doesn’t go away.

Time to blow out the candle. I miss you, baby girl.

Love,

Mom

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11 responses

9 05 2013
allreddesign

You read this tonight at Listen to Your Mother and so touched my heart. Thank you so much for sharing your story…YOU are amazing. I’m sure your daughter is so very proud.

13 02 2013
Cool Mona

I also had a little Maggie who I nicknamed Magpie. I never got over losing her but I know that I still have things to do on this planet do I need to keep moving. I’m really sorry for the sadness you are feeling.

16 10 2012
Denise L.

Much love to you and Magpie.

16 10 2012
Aimee

I am just learning about this. I’m so, so sorry. Huge hugs, my friend.

16 10 2012
Anonymous

You don’t remember me but I am thinking about you today. I am thinking about all of the questions that I never thought I would ask. “What would he look like?” “Would he have a sense of humor?” “What would it be like to have an actual person in that four year gap?” “Does being able to see the thestrals make me a better person?” Today I cried for you and me.

16 10 2012
Tudie Rose

Thinking of you with my heart.

16 10 2012
Jill Freestone

I’m so sorry Jenny! I didn’t know. How long did she live? Thanks for the reminder of how precious they are. Take care today.

16 10 2012
Zina

I’m a little at a loss for words, but wanted you to know I read and cared.

16 10 2012
Kerri Camphuysen Scott

Jenny, I love you so much and I’m so grateful for our friendship. My heart hurts for the loss of little Maggie. I know she loves you and is watching over you. You have a sweet angel…one who wants the best for you. (big hugs)

16 10 2012
makeitworkmom

Beautifully written! I’m sure Elder Bowen’s talk at Conference hit home for you? Yes, the “missing” gets easier, but you’ll never experience a fullness of joy until you’re both reunited. Hang in there woman!

16 10 2012
jbcarney (@jbcarney)

That is so sweet and so sad. I’m sorry for your loss. I would imagine that “easier” is a relative term with something like this. 12 years is a long time to be missing someone. Take care and thanks for sharing.

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