So then I was really depressed and Car decided to go camping.

30 08 2012

Hey, remember when we went camping last year and didn’t get eaten by bears? Yeah, that was awesome. Good news! I took my notebook again.

5:20 pm Oh, hi. We’re going camping again, because Car hates me. Ha! I kid! Sort of. Somehow we managed to leave even later than last year, which is pretty pathetic.

Car has attempted to stop the never-ending stream of chatter from the back seat by introducing the quiet game. Little G lost after about 30 seconds. Big G is still going strong three minutes in, but now he’s taken to tapping me on the shoulder incessantly. That’s not at all annoying.

5:24 pm Little G: “Pandas hide in the forest. Mountain pandas!”

5:25 pm Ah, crap. Big G gave up.

5:27 pm Little G: “This is what we call a mountain!”

Big G: “No, this is a hill.”

5:28 pm Big G (as we wind our way up the “hill”): “I’m afraid of heights.”

Little G: “Me too!”

Thanks for sharing with your little brother, anxiety boy.

5:30 pm Little G: “Why do leaves change color?”

Me: “Because it’s getting colder.”(What, you expected some big science-y explanation? Silly people.)

Little G: “When it gets colder will they turn blue?

5:32 pm Big G: “OH! BIG WILD COWS!”

5:36 pm 7000 feet up. Looking down into the valley I can easily see why Little G’s asthma has been acting up lately. That’s some nasty air.

5:41 pm Big G: “A lot more wild cows! That’s what I call cool!”

5:45 pm Are you kidding me?

6:15 pm The camp hosts have made us feel very welcome by informing us that badgers have been spotted in the area. I managed to resist saying, “Badgers? We don’t need no stinkin’ badgers!” I also didn’t make any honey badger jokes. All y’all should be so proud of me.

The Gs quickly made friends with the camp hosts’ granddaughter.

6:45 pm I just heard the plucking of a guitar being tuned. The people at the campsite next to us have a guitar. Kill me now.

6:45 pm YOU GUYS. If you take your dog camping, it should probably stop barking at some point so the people in neighboring campsites don’t kill you.

Man make fire!

8:30 pm My phone’s battery has died, and along with it, a little piece of my soul.

9:25 pm Big G asked me to tell a scary story by the campfire. My story: “When I was a little girl, my parents woke me up, packed up the car…and took me camping!”

9:30 pm Big G: “You know, the packing and your parents taking you camping—that’s not what I call a scary story. That’s what I call boring.

9:35 pm Big G, hands full of marshmallows: “Look how happy I am!”

9:40 pm Little G: “Is it time to go to bed?” Me: “Are you tired?” Little G: “Yes! Let’s go to bed!”

9:45 pm Big G: “I’m really tired, mom.”

9:46 pm Big G: “It’s really dark, mom. I don’t like how dark it is.”

9:47 pm Big G: “Dad, can I have some more chocolate?” Chocolate fixes everything, people.

9:49 pm Big G: “Dad, should we go seeking for creatures tonight?” Sure, buddy. How about some badgers?

9:50 pm Car adds another piece of wood to the fire and says, “Oh, that’s a big one!” My brain automatically adds, “That’s what she said!”

9:52 pm Me, as I start my 4th page of notes: “Apparently camping is good for my writing.”

Big G: “Why, mom?”

Me: “Because there’s nothing else for me to do.”

9:54 pm Little G insists there’s a story about him and Tigger running away from a ghost. Big G: “That’s a made-up story.” Thank you, Captain Obvious.

3:45 am If I pee in the woods and nobody is there to hear it, did it actually happen? I say no.

3:50 am I might be sitting in the car, writing and charging my phone. SHUT UP MY BACK HURTS AND I HATE CAMPING.

I forgot to bring a Pull-Up and a diaper. I have one boy who’s incredibly paranoid he’s going to pee during the night (totally valid) and another who swears he won’t pee in his underwear (probably true). The only dream I recall tonight involves Little G pooping in his underwear. Thanks, subconscious!

Partway through the night, Big G woke up and panicked because HE COULDN’T TOUCH ME AND WHERE WAS HIS MOM? Folks, we have a six-person tent. If you know anything about tents, you know that two adults and two kids basically max it out if you have any regard for personal space. I was probably about six inches away from him. The horror!

4:00 am I really don’t want to go back to the tent.

4:06 am My phone claims it’s at 77% battery. My phone is a lying sack of crap.

4:15 am Car: “Something something didn’t bring ibuprofen blah blah.” Whatever, dude. You’re the one who wanted to sleep somewhere other than our bed.

4:18 am I’m on page five of notes. Misery is so inspiring!

4:27 am My phone now says it’s at 68% battery. LYING USELESS PIECE OF HOOEY. I’ve decided to go back to the tent to face my fate. Vaya con Dios, me.

7:53 am I’m happy to report there were no potty accidents last night, and this morning the boys quite gladly peed on trees.

Also this morning: I turned on my phone and it’s at 1% battery. My phone is the son of a whore.

8:03 am I am too cold to drink Dr. Pepper. Is this what death feels like?

10:43 am The people are few campsites over have decided everyone enjoys loud country music. They are incorrect. Car has decided this is a sign it’s time for us to pack up our stuff.

10:45 am The campsite across from us has countered with ukulele-accompanied Death Cab for Cutie.

10:49 am …And there goes a car alarm. Ah, nature.

That’s the end of my notes. I’m sure you’re relieved. On our way home, the car in front of us hit and killed a squirrel. Not exactly the best way to end our trip, but—sing it with me—it’s the Circle of Life.

*Oh, hi. So I stopped blogging for a while. I kind of missed you guys! Did you miss me? Please say yes, if only to stroke my ego.

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7 responses

31 08 2012
Alison Stangel Bulson

I love your writing. Your boys sound charming and hilarious.
Your camping experiences remind me of why I have a day-hike-only policy now. No more sleeping on the ground, no more music-blaring neighbors, etc.

31 08 2012
Julie Wadlinger (@SeeJulieStamp)

So funny even though I actually love camping. I love that your comments were spot on and your badger comment made me lol.

30 08 2012
Amelia

I did miss you. And camping is the devil.

30 08 2012
HeidiAphrodite

I am sitting at my desk literally (no, really, LITERALLY) laughing so hard right now. And I’m the crazy person who would be thrilled about a ukulele in the next campsite.

30 08 2012
danessa

Lol. I personally love camping. No camp grounds for us though. We like to “rough it”. It’s good to hear from you again!

30 08 2012
Christine

Love how Car says now the better way to go is to just go for an eve and come home and sleep in your own beds 🙂 hahahaha

30 08 2012
Holly

I love this. And I love you. Thanks for articulating everything I feel about camping.

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