The Best Phone Survey Ever

17 05 2012

I know, it sounds impossible. How can a great phone survey exist? And how did I stay on the phone long enough to find out?

I have no good answer to either question, but I believe the following were contributing factors:

  1. I have a freakish sense of humor and am far too easily amused.
  2. Their phone system lacked the usual long pause that warns me I must immediately hang up.
  3. I was trying to get rid of her and told her the youngest male in the home over 18 was unavailable.
  4. I was thus unprepared when she asked for the youngest female in the home over 18. (Me: “Crap! If I use the same excuse twice, she’ll know I’m lying!“)
  5. I was too tired to come up with another excuse.
  6. I am—as a general rule—too polite to simply hang up on someone once I’ve made verbal contact. I make the rare exception when I’ve firmly told someone to go away and he or she just keeps talking.


The woman started by asking a question about Walmart, and then one about Target. Once we established that I’m a Target fangirl and think Walmart can suck it, she moved into the bulk of the survey.

Oh, Walmart. Just give up, already. Phone surveys to find out what people think of you? Just Google it.

Now, I was very honest. From the get-go I told her that I couldn’t possibly be impartial because I used to work for Walmart. She didn’t care, because that wasn’t in her script. Fair enough. Then she asked me all sorts of questions about whether I thought Walmart was a) better than chocolate or b) a minion of Satan.

I was thoroughly bored and about to ask just how much longer she was planning to test my patience, BUT THEN. It went a little something like this:

Survey monkey: “There have been some stories about Walmart’s operations in Mexico in the news lately…blah blah blah…corporate officers bribing Mexican officials….blah blah…have you heard any of these?”

Me: (because I apparently live in a cave) “Nope.”

Survey monkey: “From what I’ve told you about this story, does it make your opinion of Walmart more or less favorable?”

Me: “Wait, what? Does bribing Mexican officials make me like Walmart more or less? That’s, like, the best question ever.

Survey monkey: “So…more or less favorable?”

Me: *giggling* “Yeah, I’m going to have to go with less favorable.”

Survey monkey: “Would you say it’s a little less favorable ormuch less favorable?”

Me: *snorting with laughter* Much less favorable.”

Survey monkey: “Now I have some questions simply for demographic purposes…”

That was two hours ago and I’m still giggling. Thank you, dear survey monkey, for doing your thankless job tonight. You made my day.

*I think next week I might blog every day to try to get back in the habit. Remind me about that, won’t you? I’ll probably forget in the next three days.

**I now understand why people don’t sign their kids up for lots of sports. Soccer was entertaining enough, but watching kindergarteners play T-ball? I’m not saying it’s on par with watching paint dry, but it’s no trip to Disneyland.

***Speaking of watching paint dry, still no diagnosis for Big G…



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