Who you callin’ ho?

11 01 2012

Friends, today I’d like to address a serious issue: comma abuse. I’m not saying I haven’t slapped around a comma or two in my day, but commas are our friends and we need to make every effort to treat them with respect.

Unlike this little gem Big G brought home from school back before Christmas:

It came with little cut-out figures Big G had colored.

Oddly enough, that doesn’t make it any less nonsensical.

FYI: It’s exceptionally creepy when your 6-year-old son dances around the house repeatedly chanting, “Mommy, Daddy, I love you!” in a babyish voice.

Unrelated but awesome Big G gem of the week:

Big G: “Mom, is there a state called Vixen?”

Me: “No.”

Big G: “Why not?”

No matter how hard I try, I can’t come up with a good answer for that one.

*Yeah, this post is about something from before Christmas. Deal with it.

**Because really, you should just be happy I wrote something.

***If you whine about it I might not write again for, like, a month.

****That was not an invitation to whine, you jerks.

*****I’m suddenly very paranoid about my comma usage.

******But not my asterisks.

*******Thank goodness.

********I know the title has nothing to do with the actual post, but what was up with that extra “Ho!” inserted at the end of the first sentence on Big G’s handout? Is Santa some sort of pimp-daddy now?

*********He does have a fur coat and, apparently, a sweet funky ride. Ho!

**********Genius idea of the day: instead of “Jesus is my co-pilot” I’m going to make bumper stickers that says “Santa is my pimp.”

***********I haven’t been sleeping well. I can’t decide if this makes me completely looney or just amplifies my awesomeness.

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6 responses

19 01 2012
TheNextMartha

$$$$$$$$$What $$$$$$$$$$$$You $$$$$$$$$$$Got $$$$$$$$$$$$$$Against the Dolla?

12 01 2012
Lindsay

Yay, I’m, so glad, you posted, even, about christmas! 😉
I have missed your hilarious writing the last couple months.

12 01 2012
Rachel

Also, I love the random”ho!” in there. Not “ho ho ho”, just one ho. Santa’s gotta be a pimp, fo shizzle. And what kind of kindergarten teacher found this poem anyway? Wait, I revise my previous comment about the emphysematic poet. I now believe the author was an Asian sufferer of COPD. This poem is totally engrish. Geez, I sound drunk.

12 01 2012
Rachel

I’ve figured out why there are so many commas. This poem was dictated orally by someone while running, and whoever did the transcribing is very literal. Either that, or by someone with COPD. Whatever the case, it’s an awful attempt at poetry.

11 01 2012
Wendy Sparrow

*snickers* HO! Yeah, those commas were abused. There should be a hotline for that kind of nonsense. Yikes.

**I thought you were awesome to the amplified degree.
***I’m no less sleep-deprived so I might be a poor judge.
****I’m considering having my husband block Twitter at night lest others enjoy my sleep deprivation–I swear, some of them probably think I’m drunk.

11 01 2012
Christine

totally amplifies your awesomeness! Of course I’m a bit sleep deprived myself so everything is a meltdown or extremely funny lol.

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