That Just Blows

10 06 2011

Last week I was midway through Little G’s diaper change when he said, “Blow on my penis, mommy!”

I froze.

“What did you say, Little G?”

“Blow on my penis!”

In a panic-fueled moment, the thought flashed across my mind: Did something happen to my baby? What should I do? Who will I have to kill?

Then my sanity prevailed, I took a deep breath, I asked a few questions, and I puzzled it out in my mind. For your entertainment, here’s what I discovered:

Little G had some burly diaper rash that turned into a staph infection about two months ago. A vital part of treatment is to keep his rear end clean and dry, and I’m a terribly impatient woman.

Some of you parents may see where this is going.

I’d wipe Little G’s rear and then, in a hurry to get the process over with, blow and fan a little to dry things off before I applied the antibiotic ointment.

Yeah. Apparently Little G was unclear about what was happening there.

Okay, I thought, I know what happened, I’m not stressed. This is actually pretty funny, right? Except he keeps saying it. Every few days when I change his diaper I suddenly hear, “Blow on my penis, mommy!” Now I’m convinced he’s going to ask a babysitter to blow on his penis and the next thing I know, child services will be knocking on my door.

They’ll see the humor in this, right? Right?!

It’s probably for the best I didn’t teach him to say, “Hookers and marijuana!’

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5 responses

14 07 2011
Sarah S

Okay, I totally know this. I have a little girl, not a talker yet, and everytime I change her diaper she makes a little “phhw!” sound. It’s her favorite thing to be um, blown on during a diaper change! Anyway, love your blog, love your honest. I’d love to see you around my blog sometime!

11 06 2011
Mel

Oh dear! Little boys are something else. smh Hookers and marijuana would probably go over better with CPS, but that’s just because he’s so young. 🙂

11 06 2011
Annette

If nothing else, you’ve got serious blackmail material in about twenty years . . .

10 06 2011
Annette

OH my gosh! That’s hilarious!!!! And it’s about to get hotter. Maybe it’s time to potty train? I’m dying here 😀

10 06 2011
CDG

Little boys start giving us gray hairs early, don’t they?
Mine recently announced to me, “Mama! My pee-nus likes to be UP!”

Sigh.

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