Now, I love me an Olive Garden salad as much as the next person, but I’m pretty sure if I had a stash of cocaine I’d hang on to it until someone with actual cash came along. Or at least some warm breadsticks.
I swore I wouldn’t read the story because I wanted to bask in the pure joy of the phrase “Woman tries to trade salad for drugs, gets arrested” but as I snagged the link for you, my lovely readers (because I’m well aware some of you will want more details), I caught this phrase out of the corner of my eye:
She “stated that she wanted some cocaine, but she only had $2 and a salad.”
This is the best news story ever.
There’s a small part of me that says, “You should feel bad for this woman. You understand the pain of addiction.” However, the larger part of me says I’ve never tried to trade vegetables for…well, anything.
Okay, now I went back and read more.
“She told the officer she would return later with more money or some Olive Garden gift cards, according to police.”
I hear one of the hardest parts of being a drug dealer is the inability to buy your own gift cards. Really, this woman was trying to provide a service. The dealer could use them as Christmas gifts for drug mules! “I know last year I gave you an extra dime bag, but times are tough. Here’s an Olive Garden gift card.”
Sigh. Now I’m sad. What kind of world do we live in where drug mules can’t get Olive Garden gift cards for Christmas?