Big G coerced me into playing Wii Sports with him yesterday (translation: it was just easier to say yes than to deal with the impending tantrum). It went pretty well, with one glaring exception: my 5-year-old loves to trash-talk.
If I were a truly mature adult the trash-talking would be hilarious, because it’s completely unfounded. Let’s use yesterday’s bowling game as an example—I was players #2 and #4.
After five frames, player #4 was clearly kicking everyone else’s tuchus. However, when I bowled 9 pins with one ball, Big G gleefully declared, “I’m better than you!”
“Big G,” I said, “That’s not a very nice thing to say,” and also not at all true.
“Oh, sorry.” His tone became quiet, almost contrite as he said, “I’m gooder than you.”
A frame or two later, he yells, “I might be the winner!”
That is, of course, when I felt the need to take a picture of the screen, because I’m so mature.
We kept playing. I hit 8 pins. “Not good, mom. Not good at all.”
He was really starting to piss me off.
Historically I’m not a good sport. This may be one of the biggest understatements I’ve written on this blog. Family members, when you read this, you really don’t need to write massive comments about what a poor sport I am. Really. See up there? I just admitted it. It’s out in the open for everyone to read. And pathetic though it may seem, after several months of tolerance and patient correction, the taunts of a 5-year-old boy are really starting to get to me.
It’s not just games and sports, either. It’s everything. If I say I don’t think it’s raining and a single raindrop falls on the windshield, I’ll hear about it for twenty minutes. Or, even more maddeningly, sometimes he’ll tell me I said it wouldn’t rain and I was wrong when I never said any such thing! Honestly, half the time it’s like I’m being gaslighted by a preschooler.
Sorry. Bit of a tangent there.
As I am a patient, tolerant Wii-bowling mother in real life, I shall use my blog to do what I so maturely avoided in real life.
Okay, this isn’t my proudest moment ever.
*Those of you mocking my Wii Bowling score should see me bowl in real life. It’s a sad, sad thing.