Hasn’t Stopped Me Yet

16 11 2010

I’m at a loss tonight. I usually have something percolating in the back of my head; a topic I can bring out when my life fails to provide fodder.

But tonight my brain is empty. Also, there’s a Dalek on Craig Ferguson, which is highly distracting. (“Turn off the TV,” I hear you saying. Silly people. It’s like you don’t even know me.)

Anyway, I read a bedtime story to my boys tonight, because I’m just that awesome a mother. Tonight’s selection: No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed, an epic tale of a curfew, disobedient children, pain and suffering, monkey doctors who answer their phones in the middle of the night, and why your mother is always right.

At least, that’s what it used to be.

Finish this line: “Mama called the doctor, and the doctor said…”

If you answered, “No more monkeys jumping on the bed,” you’re apparently not of my generation. Or you had watered-down bedtime stories.

If you answered, “That’s what you get for jumping on the bed!” Well, then, you’re my people.

That’s not just me, right? Isn’t that how it ended back when we were kids? It wasn’t just a fun little story about silly stupid monkey children who can’t manage to stay on the bed. It was a cautionary tale. “See what happens when you don’t listen to your mother? You fall off the bed and the doctor says I told you so!”

I just had the best book idea ever.

I’m going to bed now. I obviously need more sleep.

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7 responses

18 11 2010
Rachel

I like some gore in fairy tales and kids books. Once I told Lydia that in the real “little mermaid,” she dies and the prince marries someone else. She looked at me like I had personally killed Ariel. But I refuse to read “the little match girl” because it is the most horrible and sad story ever written.

17 11 2010
Mom

No, Mom did read you “No more Monkies jumping on the bed!” Blame your father.

17 11 2010
andygirl

um, I think your mom read you the wrong story. it went “no more monkeys jumping on the bed!” yup.

17 11 2010
Mimi

I remember the ‘cracked his head’ and ‘no more monkeys jumpin’ on the bed’… I think you should write the No More Daleks Jumping on the Bed. My little bro could illustrate it because he’s awesome like that.

…and Jenny, I know I say this a lot, but I love you, you crazy girl! 😀

17 11 2010
mad woman

I do enjoy a good gruesome child’s tale from time to time. 3 little pigs hasn’t changed has it?
Fortunately, while all the children’s books are so PC, the parents reading them aren’t. My toddler doesn’t know what those words are. I change them as the mood strikes.

So glad there are more mothers out there like me! (and my mother….she sent me this: http://www.shol.com/agita/wolfside.htm Enjoy!

17 11 2010
Erika Hill

I did grow up with “No more monkeys jumping on the bed,” but I also grew with with a more gruesome, “He fell off and cracked his head.” This is probably because my older brother actually did fall off and crack his head (right on a pile of metal airplanes. Sorry, Justin, you’re not Superman).

17 11 2010
meredith

my love for you grows ever stronger. and of fucking course it’s about craig. can’t decide if i should clap, facepalm, headdesk or snort.

i love it when you give me options.

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