Sometimes I write posts that make me all giggly and remind me why I blog. This? Is one of those posts.
Several months ago I was loitering at my parents’ house, browsing through the Sunday paper. (I’m too cheap to get the paper myself.) (Shut up.) I especially like to look through the coupons, because:
- I’m cheap (see previous parenthetical comment).
- There are some hilarious ads mixed in with the coupons.
Case in point:
You cannot tell me you wouldn’t wet yourself if this demonic, glowing-eyed abomination hooted at you when you approached a friend’s house.
There are so many things about this ad that I love. Up near the top of the list? “Can be used outdoor or even indoors as a fun decoration!” Fun indoor decoration? Or is it, perhaps, an integral part of your ritual summoning of the Strigoi?
No summoning rituals in your home this week? Well, that’s okay. You can use it to “Welcome Your Guests” …from Hell!
Also fantastic? It’s a “very attractive and realistic design.” I never want to see the owl upon which this monstrosity was modeled—especially in a dark wooded area, far from civilization. That’s just a horror movie in the making.
But let’s be honest. The very best part? You can “Buy several and save!”
Fair warning: the next time you come to my house? It will be guarded by a parliament of mephistophelean “life-like” owls powered by AA batteries.
**The WordPress Proofreader doesn’t know what Strigoi are. You will learn, WordPress Proofreader. Just you wait.