I’m More Than a Bird

20 10 2010

It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed…but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
~ Five for Fighting

I hate Wednesdays.

On Wednesdays I wake up, get the kids ready, and drive 30 minutes to drive Big G to his fabulous preschool. Then I drive 30 minutes back the way I came to take Little G to his early intervention playgroup. As soon as that’s over, we hop back in the car and drive 30 more minutes to pick up Big G from preschool, barely making it before the cutoff for late pickup. Sometimes we go to grandma and grandpa’s, sometimes we go straight home. Either way, it’s another 30 minute drive.

I hate Wednesdays.

Last week I decided I was too tired to drive to playgroup. Little G and I went to grandma and grandpa’s (which is five minutes from Big G’s preschool) and I dozed off. In my sleepy haze, I missed three phone calls to my cell, all of which involved a little boy in terrible pain who needed his mommy to pick him up.

I feel bad I missed the first three calls, but I was at his school within 15 minutes of the first call.

I’ve been thinking about how I’d feel receiving a call from the school and hearing my son screaming in pain in the background…30 minutes away.

I hate Wednesdays.

Today I made a decision. I called the early intervention center and told them we won’t be attending playgroup any more. The driving is too draining, and the gas is too expensive.

Playgroup has been wonderful for Little G. He loves it. He gets to socialize with other kids while working on his speech. It also forces the agency to bump him up to two speech therapy sessions a month, since they have some weird rule about the number of visits versus the number of playgroup sessions. Without playgroup, he’ll only see the speech therapist once a month.

I feel like a terrible mommy. A mommy who doesn’t want to be inconvenienced just to help her little boy.

But I’m not Superwoman.

Today I made a decision that is best for me. It won’t help Little G speak more clearly, but I believe it’ll help both boys have a slightly less stressed mommy.

And maybe someday? I’ll start making bigger decisions that are good for me.

Baby steps.


*The first person who mocks me for using Five for Fighting will receive a boot to the head.

**Poor little WordPress Proofreader has never been to playgroup. What a sad childhood it must have had.

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10 responses

25 10 2010
Charlotte

It makes sense to me. I am currently in a run to piano lessons 25 minutes away, go nearly back home to pick up my oldest from a babysitting gig and then drive back to piano. It gets old fast. Luckily, I only have to do it a couple more months or I would have to make that same decision, no matter how good an experience the babysitting is for my daughter.

23 10 2010
Molly

It’s OK! Your sanity is worth it.

21 10 2010
Sarah Parsons

Dear Jenny:

I think we all have those days where we feel like we can’t do it all but believe we should. Don’t “should” on yourself. You made the right choice. My third boy has speech problems as well and eventually he will catch up. I truly have to believe that if I do all I can, God will make up the difference.

Love ya and keep up the amazing job you are doing. Being a mom is hard but worth it.
Sarah

21 10 2010
Erin

You should not feel guilty at all! It’s why we don’t do speech for Colby. Well not because of a 30 minute drive but because if we did speech then he’d only see PT and OT 1 or 2 times a month instead of 2 times each. I decided that feeding him applesauce and him screaming for 45 minutes ever other week wasn’t doing anything for either of us.

Sometimes you have to cut things out. I was watching a little girl for three weeks in September and the 15 minutes it took me to pick her up and get her situated totally threw me for a loop. It shouldn’t have but it did and I finally told her mom I couldn’t do it. It was just one little thing but it ended up being a huge deal for me. Sometimes it’s better for the kids when you do what’s best for you.

21 10 2010
Erika Hill

Not to go all churchy-churchy on you, but I believe it was President Uchtdorf who said that when life gets harder, it’s not time to speed up–it’s time to slow down, and take care of what needs taking care of. Sometimes I think that the invention of labor saving devices (in this case, a car) make us add more work to our day because instead of spending half a day walking, we decide that we can actually be at five places in a day instead of just one. It’s crazy madness!

I say, “Yes!” to slowing down. “Yes!” to simplification! “No!” to all those crazy people out there that think that if every minute of your child’s day isn’t scheduled with “enrichment activities”, you’re a bad mother. You’re not a bad mother. Yes, the playgroup was for Little G’s speech improvement, but the health (mental and physical) of your family is really important.

So don’t beat yourself up about it. That’s all.

21 10 2010
danessa

I am sorry you had to go through that. What an ordeal. ((hugs))
BTW is Big G ok?

21 10 2010
Laney

Yay for you! You are only human and you are doing your best. I think it will better for you and your little guys in the long run if you aren’t so stressed.

When my oldest was in speech therapy and I couldn’t make the playgroups (they wouldn’t let me bring my duaghter) I just started my own with some of the kids from nursery. Sure, it wasn’t as structured as the therapy groups, but it worked for us! We booked an activity room at the library and met there. I think it was better for all of us in the long run. He got to play with kids he already knew, and I got to met up with some friends.

20 10 2010
andygirl

maybe there’s a closer playgroup?

20 10 2010
Sarah

“and it’s not easy to be me”

I love that song.

And your decision.

20 10 2010
kris

OK, I was going to be all congratulatory about making a decision that is clearly in your best interests for once.

But then you had to go and dare me to mock you.

Mock . . . mock . . . mock.

Snort!

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