My Mother is a Fish

16 09 2010

Okay, not really.

I’m so sorry if you get that reference, because it means you’ve also suffered through William Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying. I don’t care how many “best novel” lists it’s on. That’s one seriously messed up novel.

Stream of consciousness is—for me—an uncomfortable narrative form. I think this stems from the fact that my own internal monologue is quite nicely punctuated (with the occasional lapse when Mr. Rogers is attempting to steal my soul). Actually, I just re-read the Mr. Rogers post and it appears to suffer from excess punctuation, so never mind.

The conversations in my head are surprisingly easy to follow, syntactically speaking. (Yeah, that’s right, I just used syntactically in a sentence. Bow before my mighty vocabulary.) Sometimes I’ll catch myself correcting the grammar of my internal monologue. Really. I’m not making that up, and I don’t know if that makes me freakish or awesome. (Perhaps freakishly awesome?)

I don’t just correct myself. I’m a serial corrector. It’s a sickness. Car gets the brunt of my aggression: “It’s Nuke-lee-ur, not Nuke-you-lur.” “Supposedly, not supposably.” Poor man. It’s a wonder he sticks around.

I’ve completely strayed from my intended post. Stream of consciousness, people! And look at all that capitalization and punctuation!

I ran across this bio on Facebook. I never expect grammatical or syntactical excellence on Facebook, but I have to draw the line somewhere:

Does anyone remember the 1980s Julie Brown song “‘Cause I’m a Blonde”? “Right now I’m a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA, but my goal is to become a veterinarian, ’cause I love children.”

That sound you just heard? My brain exploding.

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8 responses

24 09 2010
Holly

Ah! I couldn’t even read that profile! It was too terrible! I loved that series of thoughts you went through though. That is pretty much just how my brain works too. Yeah, we can definitely get along 😉

16 09 2010
cinderski

Oh, wow.
People keep saying that grammar doesn’t matter – but that sort of writing makes me have to do some sort of weird brain contortion to even keep up.

RAGE!!

*I just wrote “gramma” accidentally. I’m not that ghetto. It just would have been a really embarrassing mistake.

16 09 2010
Mom

Really!? Maybe as an English teacher I should just go kill myself now! The only way I can even read part of this is to think that some very clever cop (or serial killer) has mastered the art of teenage writing and is phishing (is that the right word) for some victim. AND just in case anyone thinks that you’re like you are (correcting people) because your mother is an English teacher, I want to publicly state that IT’S NOT ME. REALLY! SHE CORRECTS ME. It’s her father!

16 09 2010
andygirl

I didn’t know you were a grammar nazi. I love you even more now.

I couldn’t even get through that FB paragraph. it hurt too much.

also: I wrote my thesis on Faulkner. because I am a masochist apparently. at some point, all I wanted to do was crawl into the novel and kill Faulkner.

16 09 2010
Steve

Sorry, don’t remember the song *LOL* Guess I’m too old for that..

16 09 2010
Heidi

A. I kind of liked “As I Lay Dying”…
2. Don’t they realize that the squiggly red lines mean “fix this” and not “good job!”?

16 09 2010
Aimee

LOL! I remember that song, thanks for the laugh! Was that person from another country (I hope)? I often cringe at the bad spelling and out right use of the wrong words on FB. Not that I am perfect, but I tend to be, according to my husband, a grammar Nazi.

16 09 2010
talesofmy30s

I started thinking of that song before I even scrolled down far enough to see you posted it.

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