Stop it. Now. I’m serious.

4 09 2010

I’m not a fashionable person. I’m okay with that. I’m a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, and if that t-shirt has some kind of pattern that hides the child-generated mosaic of stains, that’s even better. My current favorite t-shirts cost a grand total of $4.40 apiece. (Thanks, Shopko clearance rack!)

Just wanted to make that clear before I start talking about how stupid fashion is.

I was born in the 70s, which makes me a child of the 80s. In other words, I’ve seen a crapload of scary fashion over the years. As we all know, trends tend to cycle. I get that, and I’m okay with it, because I just keep wearing my jeans and t-shirts (I’m not lazy, I’m timeless!) and laughing at the emo kids wearing skinny jeans.

Sometimes, though, I have to take a stand. Today is one of those times.

I got the current Lane Bryant ad in the mail today. Believe it or not, this post isn’t fueled by the appalling popularity of jeggings (although I have to share the horror I unearthed whilst searching for a jeggings link):

In what universe is this attractive?

No, I put up with the foolishness of jeggings, but I can remain silent no longer. Ladies and gentlemen, behold:

Do you see it? Do you?

No, not the…umm…arm warmers? What the hell are those?

This is what I’m focused on:

Sweet Canadian mullet! Those jeans? They are pegged. Pegged, people. Do you have any idea how hard I worked to erase the memory of pegged pants? I’m pretty sure we can trace my 18 years of therapy back to early exposure to pegging. Of course, I just watched other people peg. Go ahead and try to prove otherwise.

So today, friends, I implore you: Just say no. Say no to pegged pants. If the urge to peg is overwhelming, there is help. Call a friend, a loved one, your pastor…just reach out, and beg them to save you from yourself.

Heal the world.
Make it a better place
for you and for me
and the entire human race.
There are people pegging
if you care enough
for the living
Make it a better place
For you and for me.*

Thank you.

*How did I never realize how truly horrible those lyrics are?

**The WordPress Proofreader denies the existence of emo and jeggings. I think it’s trying to win back my love.

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11 responses

10 09 2010
TheNextMartha

No, no, no, no, no. Unless she has matching socks to her shirt. Then we’re all good.

8 09 2010
Mimi

I’m with Rachel. Bluuuuurrrrgh! Ok, seriously though…. that chick looks like she’s wearing a shabby circus tent from Hell. Eep.

6 09 2010
Dayna

You pegged. I was there. I pegged with you. I’m pretty sure I can dig up photographic proof, if it comes to that. I showed my middle school band kids how to peg jeans. They looked at me like I’d lost my mind. (I also briefly put my hair up in a side ponytail, to complete the effect.) Wonder if that was the beginning of the end of my job at that school?

5 09 2010
Michelle F

Does this mean the “claw bang” is back? Are we all going to to run out and get poodle permanents? Do I need to plug in my curling iron?

5 09 2010
rachel

oh. my. gosh. i just barfed on my computer. i didn’t think the fashion reruns could get worse than skinny jeans, but the PEGGING OF PANTS, people? the horror!!! if i see an actual person with this look, i will forcibly unroll them and make them swear an oath never to do it again. and nice use of my trademark phrase!

5 09 2010
Jenny

To think I did that?!?! I will admit it. But I also admit I did NOT pay $89 for a pair of jeans! In fact, I think I was forced to buy mine at K-mart, you know before Walmart existed! Anyway, I am more blown away by the sticker price of that emsemble! Did anyone else notice the $ amounts on that get up??? Vest $84, Tunic $59, “Distressed” Jean $89!!!! Grand total = $232!!! I am positive that a similar look could be accomplished for much less from the local DI, Savers, or Good Will!!! Good grief! I bet the boots alone cost another $232!!!

5 09 2010
Mom

I can’t/don’t believe that pegging is back. I think it’s just a pathetic Lane Bryant attempt to make this model look good instead of like a big blob that those pair of pants would obviously make the rest of virtually everyone else on the planet look!

5 09 2010
Stay at Home Babe

First of all, on what planet does she go in a Lane Bryant catalogue? What is she a size four?! Also, those boots are kinda cute 🙂

5 09 2010
danessa

Oi. Pegging. (shudder) And as far as the jeggings….YUCK Seriously. Leggings or any of their offspring do not belong on ANYONE older than about 12. And that is stretching it. (personally, I think they are adorable on my little girls…but they are 5 and 9 months…see afore mentioned rule…)
Thank you for the laugh however. You have NO IDEA how much I needed that.

5 09 2010
hairyshoefairy

Ugh. Yeah, I’m not wanting to revisit that either. And so far I’ve continued to refuse the skinny jeans fad because, seriously, like 3 people in the world actually look cute in them. I’m not one of them.

5 09 2010
Aimee

Oh dear me! Eww, and eww.

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