And Then My Kid Pooped on My Face

28 08 2010

I had a migraine last night. I felt it sneaking up on me, so I took some aspirin-free Excedrin. Then I took Maxalt. It didn’t budge, so I took Zofran for the nausea, Flexeril to relax, and gave myself an intramuscular injection of Toradol (the impressive anti-inflammatory the emergency room gives you for migraines).

Impressive, I know.

So I end up in a dark room, curled in a ball, waiting for the pain to go away. Car puts on a movie for the kids, and then he apparently decides to bake cookies. Yes, he’s a domestic god. But making cookies distracts him from the most important task–keeping the kids away from poor, incapacitated mommy.

There I am in the darkened room. I hear little footsteps. Oh, look! Little G has come to visit me. I figure hey, if he starts bugging me, I can call for Car. Little G climbs up on the bed. How sweet! He wants to be next to his mommy! So he crawls over my head (Why crawl over a leg? Where’s the fun in that?) and as he does this, I feel something wet on my face. This is concerning. Then…the smell. It’s like something has died in his diaper. And now my cheek is damp, which is highly concerning.

This entire episode ends with:

  1. Yelling for Car.
  2. Vigorously scrubbing my face.
  3. Car wondering what we feed Little G to deserve such punishment.

I’m sharing this experience so you can have a laugh at my expense. I also think it’ll be lovely natural birth control for young couples. What can I say? I’m a giver. If you’re totally grossed out and wish you’d never read this post, well, join the club. You read my blog, and must suffer with me. (*insert evil laughter*)

*For some reason I’m much more comfortable with the word “poop” than I am with “poo.” I have no idea why.

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8 responses

30 08 2010
danessa

ok so laughing so hard I about peed. So you know…

29 08 2010
andygirl

oh honey, I hear ya. I get migraines. and my cats think that when I’m in pain, they need to heal me. with their purring. as they climb all over me and my head. which makes me want to throw my purring cat across the room. because the climbing? so doesn’t help.

I am going to be a terrible mother.

29 08 2010
Jenny

Oh my gosh! I was laughing so hard when I read it, not at your expense, but because I have been there! Not at the same time of course, but each experience separately none the less. If I would have had a migraine when I got pooped on I don’t know what I would have done. And “Daddy” letting the kidlets bug me when I have a migraine ~ UGH! You obviously handled it very well! Gross, but well!

28 08 2010
Mimi

lol OH my gosh, that is terrifying!! This is, by far, one of THE WORST parenting stories ever. I am so sorry for you and your poopy face!!!!! 😦

28 08 2010
Elly

Yep, I feel like I need a shower just from reading this post. I am cringing in disgust. You poor thing! That’s exactly why I’m 90% sure I don’t want kids. I would have murdered him. You’re a better person than I am for letting him live!

28 08 2010
Erin

Laughing all over again. Sorry for the bad joke about it last night. I hope your day is much better now.

28 08 2010
talesofmy30s

That had to truly suck.

(And yes, Toradol is magical stuff for mysterious abdominal pain, too!)

28 08 2010
Abigail @ Skywaitress

Bahahahaha. Oh dear lord. The bodily fluids? Not something I’m looking forward to with kids.

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