Husband, Slayer of Dreams

17 08 2010

I’m still trying to potty train Big G, who turns five in September. I know. Seriously, if anyone has a magic wand I can wave to make this happen, I’d appreciate it.

Until then, the current system is quarters for bodily functions that happen in the toilet. Said money can be used to buy rewards, which I’ve marked with how many quarters he needs to buy a specific reward. I mark most of them down from the real price (except Hot Wheels, because he can really swing four quarters for a car) (you probably didn’t need to know that).

The point is, sweet little Big G saved up 20 quarters to buy an LED night light that projects the solar system on the ceiling. He was so excited, and I have to admit it’s pretty nifty. In fact, since my children refuse to sleep in their own room, I get to see the solar system every night. That’s right, they sleep at the side of my bed on a sleeping bag.

I just realized I’ve now revealed 1. I have a almost five-year-old who isn’t potty trained and 2. my children sleep in my room. I’m so glad my awesomeness as a mom is well-documented.

The solar system night light projects this image:

Except really, it’s closer to this:

But still, it’s fun. At least, I thought it was fun until Husband, Slayer of Dreams came out of the room the first night.

“That light annoys me. It only has seven planets.”

Dude.

If I were a normal person, that comment wouldn’t be a huge deal. However, I’m very far from normal, so now every time I climb in bed, I start counting planets. It’s like for some reason I expect an eighth planet to pop up one night and make everything okay…only it never happens.

Thanks, babe. There’s nothing I love more than a man who capitalizes on my neuroses.

*The best moment of this post: Car came out to plug in his phone and saw the title of my post. “WHAT IS THAT?” he yelled, and I started giggling. As he left the room, he was muttering, “Husband, Beater of Wife.” Then he came back and told me he would be sleeping on a foam mat in the boys’ room, but it was unrelated to my post. Really.

**My husband is hilarious.

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11 responses

24 08 2010
Andi

Ok, so when you wrote that you had ‘quarters for bodily functions’, I had to reread over and over again because the first thing that popped into my head was the beer game ‘Quarters’.

You know, where you bounce quarters into a glass and make other people drink. And then you make up silly rules, like ‘You have to drink everytime a frat boys gives someone a high-five’.

And I was like, hmmmm. . . how does that work with potty training?!?!

18 08 2010
KLZ

The planets have separate orbits so it makes sense that one of them is hiding behind the sun at any given time. Perfectly normal.

Also – my dad used to make me sleep next to the bed when I had nightmares because I am such a violent sleeper. My fear of monsters ended that quickly. So perhaps you should be happy that your kids don’t have night terrors and/or punch you in the kidneys while you sleep.

17 08 2010
Benjamin Scott Nielson of Springville, UT

Clearly the taker of the picture used in the solar system gadget was standing on the missing planet. It is only logical to show seven planets.

17 08 2010
Peter

Can’t the night light just be seen as a work of fantasy art rather than an accurate depiction of the solar system? ‘Cuz let’s face it, the missing planet is hardly the biggest issue here. Planets suddenly charred into oblivion by their mysteriously shrunken, nearby star comes to mind, among other issues. It’s just a cool night light, that’s all. Just repeat that to yourself, over and over, as your new nighttime mantra.

17 08 2010
Van Gessel

So take a tiny little paintbrush and paint a tiny little planet on the surface of the light. Try to use non-combustible paint.

17 08 2010
Erika Hill

Hey Jenny, if it makes you feel better, you’re really only missing one planet (since Pluto’s been demoted), and Uranus/Neptune (I can’t tell which one the picture is supposed to be…) have such wonky orbits that one of them probably just didn’t make into the picture in time. Rest assured that that planet is there, it’s just out of frame.

17 08 2010
Lisa

Hi! Twitter recommended you to me and I followed. Probably recommended you ’cause we’re both on Blogfrog. I wasn’t potty-trained until age 4 and I slept w/ my mom a lot too as a child b/c I always was 10 shades of neurotic.
Anywho, great blog!

17 08 2010
Jenny

You probably don’t want to hear this, but it seems to me like he IS potty trained. He just wants the money! Try switching the “reward” to something else you need ~ like taking out the trash or picking up his toys. Don’t have any type of reward for the potty. See what happens. I was worried when my daughter was “not potty trained” at 4 years old and even asked the pediatrician. He said that was not out of the ordinary… if left entirely to their own girls will usually potty train around 4 years old, but boys on the other had take a little longer. Then suddenly on Mother’s Day she went into the bathroom and went all on her own and never looked back! Nice gift, huh? Let him surprise you! If he has the where with all to SAVE 20 quarters to buy a Solar System, than he can muster up the talent to potty! He sounds like a genius! Think about it… Solar System purchased by a 4 year old with his “potty” money?! Most kids his age would be happy with Caillou! He is going to be a rocket scientist! Best of luck!

17 08 2010
Michelle F

So, you give us all permission to be normal. I love that.
Show me someone who hasn’t had their kids sleep in their room and I’ll show you some one who is a big, fat, hairy, LIAR.
And that title is something we can all relate to.

17 08 2010
Stefani

If it makes you feel any better, my daughters slept in my room until about 6 months ago, same thing, sleeping bag on the floor. Their therapist said it was okay, it was just a phase.

17 08 2010
Abigail @ Skywaitress

Lol. Sounds like a reaction my hubby would have to seeing a title like that on one of my posts.

Glad he has a sense of humor about things. That’s SO important.

Oh, and the missing planet? Would drive me insane. How do you stand it?

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