So (Wonderfully) Lonely

13 08 2010

Only…I’m not.

Car took the boys to the church fathers and sons campout, so I’m on my own tonight. I had dinner with some friends and now I’m watching the Burn Notice DVD that Netflix so kindly sent to me. I have the volume cranked up so I can hear every little nuance of speech. I have my laptop plugged in so I can tweet if I feel like it.

It’s glorious.

I feel guilty.

Silly, right?  But I feel terrible that I enjoy being without my kids. So. Very. Much.

I’ve gone on a few trips of varying lengths without the men in my life. I spend time with other women, many of whom spend inordinate amounts of time obsessing about how much they miss their kids, even after just one night.

Please don’t think I’m judging those women. Hooray for them!

Me? I like to be alone. I stay up ridiculously late at night just so I can have time to myself.

Does this mean I love my kids any less than the women who feel such anxiety at being separated from their offspring? Sometimes I worry that might be the case.

I love my boys. Never, ever doubt that. But I need to be me. I need to find my identity outside being a mommy, and if that means a little bit of time alone…well, I think that’s okay.

I like to be alone. Right now, that means drinking Dr. Pepper and watching a handsome man shoot things. Tomorrow I’ll go back to being mommy, and I’ll be that much more loving for having a little break.

Life is pretty good.

Did I mention I have an entire night to myself? I left the toilet lid up and I plan to sleep with all the lights off. Oh, yeah. I’m livin’ on the edge, baby!

*Really, WordPress Proofreader? Your only complaint is the word “livin'”? You make me sad.

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11 responses

16 08 2010
Mundane Monday – 8/16/10 « Like Swimming

[…] All the boys went to a fathers & sons campout, and I had an entire evening to myself. […]

16 08 2010
Mimi

I have had precious little alone time since having Colin. I don’t think you’re a terrible mother for not obsessing about your kids while they’re gone. The few times that Nick has taken Colin out for outings have been awesome and I didn’t think or worry about them the whole time. 😀 You’re a normal person in that respect, I think.
People that obsess about how much they miss their kids have got to have separation anxiety or something… that or they’re putting on a show for the benefit of others to show what “great parents” they (think) they are. Boooooooo.
I love you Jenny!

15 08 2010
rachel

when i went to nyc for a week, it was AWESOME! i didn’t miss my kids or husband. it was nice to see them again, but i knew i would when i got home, so why whouldn’t i live it up for a week by myself? i’ll probably never get to do that again. and i met john rutter. just thought i’d remind you of that, ‘cuz i’m a jerk, tee hee!

14 08 2010
Hope

I would have been a much happier mom had I had more alone time when my kids were growing up. Don’t beat yourself up for knowing what you need. The kids do grow up and then you face the rest of your life. It’s better to explore who you are as they are growing up so that the rest of your life isn’t such a shock. Just saying from personal experience.

14 08 2010
Kristina P.

I’m alone a lot. No kids, and a husband who is out of town a lot. It’s nice to be able to have alone time, but sometimes, I am good with a night, not 4.

14 08 2010
Liz Taylor

I am glad to hear that other people feel the same as me. Love the kids and hubby, LOVE my alone time.

14 08 2010
Stefani

I feel the same way, I also stay up ridiculously late at night to have time to myself, and that includes without my dh as well. Sometimes we do need the time to be who we are and figure out what it is we like. Good for you!!!

14 08 2010
Jackie

Burn Notice is our favorite! Love that show!

Enjoy alone time. I’m jealous!

13 08 2010
kate

I hear ya’. I had three boys, they were delightful but I looked forward to every Father/sons outing and Scout Camp every year. Papa always went for the scout but took the younger ones as soon as they were 6-8. Wahoo, 3 days alone. I like you watched my kind of movies and got take out from my kind of restaurants. I liked it quiet! I loved the guys but a trombone, a baritone horn, the football team, and the drama class made things a bit crazy. About 10 years ago they all left home, got married, had kids and moved to California. Now they come and visit and it is bedlam all over again for a week or two and then they leave and I take 2 weeks to recover and remember how much I love the quiet.
But is was and is a great ride. I LOVE my daughters in law. Cute girls and no teenage angst.

13 08 2010
ashlee

Agree completely! I do miss my kids, but I REVEL in my time alone. I, like you, stay up WAY too late just to get that time. I like watching my shows, movies and listening to my music (the one’s my husband doesn’t like). As well as enjoy reading my GNO, blogs, websites, etc… But I need that time to recharge, so I CAN give them my all the rest of the time. I am NOT looking forward to losing my night’s once school starts (early morning’s KILL me!)

13 08 2010
talesofmy30s

I think it’s perfectly healthy to need “alone time”, no matter who you are.

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