Happy Happy Joy Joy

7 08 2010

I went to a concert Thursday night.

The concert started with a silly video, which I won’t bother recapping because you kind of had to be there, but it was hilarious and made me laugh. A lot.

Then the band took the stage.

We screamed and clapped and–I’m embarrassed to admit this–I teared up a little. I know, right? That’s just weird. Later in the concert, it happened again. I felt the music reverberate through me (Literally, not figuratively. Very loud, that music.), I watched the people around me dancing, droplets of rain fell on my face, and I got a little choked up.

I’ve been thinking about it since, because I really don’t tear up at things like concerts. Seriously. I’m not just saying that so you won’t think I’m weird(er). This was my sixth Rush concert, and the first time I’ve gotten weepy over Tom Sawyer.

If you’ve been following my blog, you know I deal with depression. Lots and lots of depression. A bucketful o’ depression. I didn’t realize until Thursday night that depression has changed my definition of happiness.

Happiness has become the absence of depression.

This is not an acceptable definition.

As I battle depression, I have a new goal: regain my happiness. It’s not enough to go through life feeling not sad. I deserve more than that, and it’s within my power to make it happen.

And that feeling I had Thursday night? That spilling over of emotion?

That, my friends, was joy.

I will reclaim my joy.

*Thank you, WordPress Proofreader, for recognizing my superiority and contributing to my happiness today.

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6 responses

10 08 2010
Peter

While I didn’t tear up, I always feel good at a Rush concert. Everybody there was just having a good time–not in a church activity way, but not in a “flesh pits of Egypt” way either. The songs Spirit of Radio and Tom Sawyer are Rush’s best odes to joy, in a manner of speaking, and it’s quite cathartic being there and soaking it up with thousands of other fans. I mean, think of that father in front of us, embracing his 12-year-old son in the concert. Just great, great, great stuff. I only wish they would double the lengths of their concerts and tour more than once every 2-3 years.

10 08 2010
Mundane Monday – 8/9/10 « Like Swimming

[…] I went to a Rush concert […]

9 08 2010
Steve

Oh Jenn, I truly hope that you’re starting to feel better about life *hugs* We all NEED you because you make us both laugh and cry at the same time. Life is just better like that.
On a side bar, I’ve seen Rush about a dozen times.. Including when they were a local band in Toronto and played my high school a couple of times when they were just starting out. Incredible show to see live, and going strong after 35+ years of recording and playing live.

8 08 2010
Lori

You must please read my post today.

Which I NEVER ask people to do in comments, but today, I am asking you to please.

I want those words to be yours.

And music makes me cry all the time. The sheer beauty and richness of it…as if it’s something you can drink, it’s so palpable.

And more than that I am glad you have even a few hours of that feeling.

You deserve to have it.

7 08 2010
Janice

I love you. Alot. That’s all.

7 08 2010
Leslie

Sigh. Why is it that the funniest women are always the ones with depression. It just doesn’t seem right.

Joy is good. Happy is good. Peace? I think peace is best. When you’re at equilibrium, you can’t swing down. Unfortunately, that’s boring as heck.

I read once, “The people who feel the most pain also have the capacity to feel the most joy.”

Still can’t decide if that’s good or not.

Crying at Rush, though? That’s normal.

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