Hey, July 24th is a holiday! What? It’s not a holiday where you live? Well, you must live amongst godless heathens, because where I live it’s a holiday with parades and rodeos and everything! That’s right, it’s Pioneer Day! It’s the day we Mormons celebrate the arrival of the pioneers in the Salt Lake Valley. You know, after they were driven from their homes by mobs. Not that we dwell on that, because hey! Here we are in Utah, and we know nobody will attempt to drive us out because the beer is only 3.2% alcohol!
Moving right along.
There’s a huge Pioneer Day celebration in Salt Lake City. It culminates in a very long parade (usually in 100 degree weather) with lots of floats, many of which are–go figure–Mormon-themed.
This year, we were graciously gifted with a float that defies description, but because I adore my beloved blog readers, I will do my best.
Oh, how clever! It’s a GPS unit, and they’re talking about guidance! I get it! But wait, what’s going on with that GPS?
3D temple! Awesome! Or, you know, super weird. According to the float’s creators, “Our stake participated in the temple open house, so we felt we had to put [the temple] on the GPS as something it could guide us to.” I guess it’s good I’m not in charge of these things, because I’d probably put a little pop-up Wendy’s.
Is the “Marmin” thing even worth addressing? Because I’m vomiting just thinking about it.
So…odd float, right? And we’ve only addressed one aspect. That’s right, it just gets better.
Oh, look! It’s the Liahona! According to the commentators, the float’s creators took the Arabic translation from Google but wrote it on the float backwards. Ha! (My family thinks it looks more like Hebrew than Arabic. Opinions?) Too bad there aren’t any experts in Middle Eastern languages in Utah. *That joke is really funny to Utahns. Trust me. We have a ridiculously diverse range of languages amongst our general population due to the large number of return LDS missionaries.
Now we’re at the point where I become convinced someone involved in this float was smoking crack.
Yeah. That’s a skeleton. Apparently trapped in a map. Sooo…it’s some kind of allusion to the people who have gone before us? Oh, no. That would make a tiny bit of really twisted sense. Instead, it was something along the lines of what happens to people who focus on worldly treasures. (We kill them, strip the flesh from their bones, and roll them up in parchment paper?) I can’t remember exactly what they said, because I was focused on the fact that these people put a fricking skeleton on their Pioneer Day float.
And we wonder why some people think Mormons are crazy.
*Quote from the float’s creator taken from the LDS Church News. If they sue me, I’m going inactive.
**Pictures taken by me. Okay, yeah, I took pictures of the TV, where KSL 5 was showing the parade, but darn it, I took the pictures!
Oh, WordPress Proofreader, for once we are in total agreement. “Marmin” is not a word. “Marmin” will never be a word. The people who thought up “Marmin” should die a thousand painful deaths.