Back to My Corner

26 06 2010

I’ll say this from the start: I’m having a great time at Evo. Please don’t let anything I say in this post convince you otherwise. I just need to vent for a moment. I know–me, vent? Get out!

Also? I’m not going to apologize for this post. I realize a few people might be offended, which is not my intent. This is my corner of the internet, and if I need to write about something, I will. If you need to stop visiting my little corner, I understand.

How’s that for an intro? Now you’re thinking it’s going to be something super-juicy, and it’s really not. *My internal therapist says: I just started typing “it’s just a stupid little thing,” but then I realized–nothing that bothers me this much is stupid or little, and I need to stop minimizing my feelings.

Hey, thanks, internal therapist! I knew my 18 years of therapy would come in handy at some point!

This relates back to a few earlier posts. If you’re new to my blog, you might want to do a little catching up with my post about social anxiety and my perceptions of Twitter cliques. I’ll give you a minute.

Okay. Caught up? On we go.

This is my second blogging conference. I’m obviously not a conference pro by any means. I get on my site, I blog, that’s that. I’m trying to get better at the technical aspect of all this and meet other bloggers, but I’m still new in this game. I know very little about the politics of blogging.

What I do know, from reading a bunch of stuff about BlogHer and other such odd things, is that there are private parties. Okay, cool. I get that. I get that I’m not on anyone’s radar. That’s fine with me.

Here’s what I’m not fine with: having a private party and telling everyone it has to be super-secret. People lying when I ask about it because they were told by the organizer that it was super-secret. And then, after all of that, seeing tweets from said private party, which I was told wasn’t happening.

I’m just going to say it – that’s pretty douchey.

I feel like I’m in junior high again. Like my friends have, once again, seen Days of Thunder or New Kids on the Block without me. (I’m not making those up. Shut up. I’m old.)

I realize most of this is my crap coming out to bite me in the butt, and there’s not necessarily anyone at fault. I’m paranoid and insecure, so when things like this happen, I make it very personal and end up crying while I’m waiting in line for my manicure. Seriously, people. It was pathetic, and I hated it. (Shut up, internal therapist.) I hate knowing that I’m completely overreacting but being unable to control that.

You know what I hate most of all? Getting upset by this and being hyper-aware that the bar with the free martinis is 20 steps away.

It’s a lot like the Twitter thing. I remove myself from the situation, and realize it doesn’t matter. But you know what? I get tired of reminding myself I’m not in junior high anymore. I’m 34 years old. It’s time to get over it.

Any ideas how I do that? I’m at a loss.

*Hey, WordPress proofreader? Shut up. I maintain that douchey is a perfectly legitimate word.

UPDATE:

There’s been enough backlash from this whole thing that I feel the need to make a few things clear.

  1. I have issues. I’ve never hidden this fact. I even said in the above post that I’m aware I’m pathetic and overreacting. I really don’t need people to pile on me and tell me that–hey, guess what? I’m pathetic and overreacting! Well, duh.
  2. My beef is not with the people invited. It’s with the sponsor, who put someone I really like in an impossible situation where she had to choose to either break her word or lie to me.
  3. That person I really like? We’ve hugged it out and we’re good.
Advertisements

Actions

Information

20 responses

28 06 2010
Janice

Private events are ok. Lying about said private events are not okay. I mean really…it’s like a wedding. Not everyone gets an invite but would I lie and say, “Wedding, what wedding?” Surely people will find out. And that’s where this whole thing get very junior high…said people should learn how to “man up” and just be honest. Of course if it were me I’d be hurt. I’d feel left out but at least I’d still have respect for the people for at least having the decency to be honest.

27 06 2010
Alex

I am late to this, but! I googled what “evo blogging conference” was, and after reading about it am wondering what. In the. Hell. Private clique parties have to do with a conference where “connection is key” and the “top 3 tips for conference newbies” are: 1. reach out to AND INCLUDE others, 2. introduce yourself and 3. GO TO EVERY EVENT.

Ahem!!

To further go along with what everyone else has said…these were some rotten people who *knew* how rotten they were being, hence the super secrecy.

I’m glad you survived ;-). And I admire you for being able to get through it and make the conference an overall beneficial experience for yourself! (stupid sentence, but you get my point)

And now, I think you need to try to plan a week in which you do not participate any activities which will bring you in contact with “mean girls” :D. Consider it a vacation…

27 06 2010
Suzanne

Wow. It’s like Queen Bees & Wannabes all played out. That’s girl social crap for you! For what it’s worth, if I was there I’d have a party and invite everyone, ESPECIALLY you and nakedjen and not just because I think you are the only two bloggers I know. I think I know a few others but I am not sure they know me, ifyouknowwhatimean.

Come see me downtown and I’ll make you a martini. How’s that? ❤

27 06 2010
Laney

I would have felt the same way.
By the way, I LOVE the word douchey. Now if only I can figure out how to work that into my everyday vocabulary 🙂

26 06 2010
Mom

Boo! Bad, bad people. For years I hauled my highly tramatic junior high neurosis around until I FINALLY got a clue and realized that I would never have a good time with the kind of people that are “exclusive.” And I’m still like that. I’m not a groupie! But, by darn, I’m a good person, and, JUST LIKE YOU, it’s THEIR loss and not getting to know me/you, rather than YOUR loss. That sounds so corny and motherly, but it’s a TRUTH that stands the test of time.

By that same token, there are others who wish they could be part of OUR group, perceiving that somehow we might be the cool people. At my 20 year class reunion they did a vignette on a classmate who had gone to Africa, built wells, helped out a ton of people. In short, he had made a real difference in the world. I had never heard of him. I honestly found myself thinking, “Why didn’t I know anyone this neat when I was in HS?” The answer is obvious and it’s not a very nice answer: I was too stuck up and egocentric to be willing to leave my exclusive circle.

I’m glad you’re home.

26 06 2010
Julie

I realize you’re 34 but are the douchey people? Uncalled for! I would be angry too!

26 06 2010
Judi

It sucks that there are people out there that are supposed to be adults, yet they pull crap like this! Dumb, Inconsiderate Mean people suck!!

26 06 2010
Peter

I think it’s time to have Car get into his Halloween getup again and have him go down and crack some skulls. He could be the junior high bully with an overactive pituitary.

You’ve really hit on my biggest hangup with social media, and why I don’t embrace it fully. I hate to see the ugly side of it affecting you this way, but I certainly understand why it does. In fact, I’m so pissed that I would love to go bash some skulls on behalf of my little sister, but let’s face it, Car is far more imposing.

Yes, sometimes violence is the answer (tic).

26 06 2010
Shelle-BlokThoughts

Now I’m offended!!! I had no idea there were private parties without me!? Wthelk!? Obviously it wasn’t that good of a party because I wasn’t there and apparently you weren’t either.

I admit, I was snuggled up in bed with my laptop downloading pics to flickr–+r uploading. And I would have probably chosen that anyway… Sad? Pathetic? Sure…that’s me 🙂

Love ya

26 06 2010
Corinne

That totally is douchey.
I’m feeling it for you, all the way over here. Because I would feel the EXACT same way, and would beat myself up about it and pine for those martinis and wallow in my sorrow.
But you’re doing good by writing it out 🙂 I hope it helps, and ends those stupid secretive parties. Seriously. They’re dumb.

26 06 2010
Julie @ Angry Julie Monday

Aww hon…big hugs from California… I was at home (stupid job drama prevented me from going to Evo) and I saw some of your tweets. I wanted to give you a big ole’ hug. I’ve been blogging for 3 yrs and I’ve attended several blog events and conferences, there will always be cliques. I’ve learned to not get to bothered by the private parties, events, etc. I get invited to stuff all the time, I can’t go to everything. But in reality, I feel the obligation after to write about these events. In the big picture, do you want to take up yout personal blog space to write about all of this, because I don’t. Spend your time with the people whom you want to be with, in the big picture, that is the best thing. I’m going to BlogHer in August. I’ve actually declined a lot of stuff because I want to be able to sit around and chat, not running around to all of these crazy events. Blah, blah, blah….in the big picture, just think of the people whom are jealous that you are even at Evo, because I can’t be and I’m sitting here stalking tweets with jealousy….

26 06 2010
Tenille

Douchey is a perfectly acceptable word. Especially in this situation. It’s ok that you’re invited to a party that I am not. Just don’t lie to me about it. Lame. Hello, we’re grown ups. Bitches. This is why I hate people.

CBC11 you, me, and some other awesome people will have our own super secret awesome party. Without the martinis. Again, I say, bitches.

26 06 2010
Sherry

I missed you last night at the ward party. I had to eat all the cupcakes from the cake walk to make myself feel better. Hurry back 🙂

26 06 2010
Amy

as i was following the evo tweets, I was amazed at how many private parties there have been. I understand why there are sponsored parties and I dsunderstand why they limit the guest list. But there are definitely many better ways to handle it.

a) send out invites ahead of time and then have a few extra spots in case one if your invites wants to bring a friend.
B) advertise that you will be having a sponsored party, invite who you want and then do a raffle or first come first serve option for everyone else at the conference. Just because a blogger isn’t on your radar pre conference doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be.
c) word of mouth, there were plenty of parties, dinners, activities going on – allow attendees to attend any that they are interested in. Plus, then those who are not necessarily on someones radar still have the chance to play.

I would have been on no ones radar. I would have felt badly and gone home to the comfort of my own bed and pouted to my husband. I tend to remove myself from the opportunity to feel left out. (I went home during CBC and didn’t go to the concert).

I am really Impressed with how you put yourself out there. As I’ve gotten to know you here and on Twitter, I adore how honest and real you are. I admire how you listen and pay attention to what is going on with those around you. It’s awesome that you care and give input. Those are the things that make you special – not what parties you have or haven’t been invited to. I’ll bet, next year, you will be on radars. You’ll be a conference attending pro with stories of private parties and cool swag. Just keep being you and tweeting about life. There will be rewards to outnumber
those challenges. At least that is my belief.

26 06 2010
Jo

Boo on people who don’t let everyone play. I really despise that. I think that just about anyone would have their feelings hurt, and that you aren’t being super sensitive, just human. Their loss, seriously.

26 06 2010
Molly

The thing that’s weird is that I didn’t even know there were “private parties” until a bunch of people started going “Oh don’t be offended if you’re not invited to private parties” and then I’m like “huh? what private parties? Guess Im not cool enough for that. flashback to high school pre-prom!” It’s my NKOTB concert. I mean, I guess on one hand I’m glad to know they exist now, but it seems like a surefire way to either a. hurt peoples feelings and alienate them or b. make people become obsessed with getting invited to said parties, taking the focus away from why they really began blogging.

That said, you’re my MY radar! and this is the second post in the past few weeks that has basically taken my thoughts on the subject and put them into words… so thank you for that. you’re like the voice inside my head, but more articulate.

26 06 2010
Elisa

That blows.

Kristinas comment made me laugh!

xo

26 06 2010
Kristina P.

Boo. I am really sorry. If it makes you feel better, I could hear my hotel neighbors loud sex romp,in Vegas.

26 06 2010
Troy Pattee

Sounds to me like you’ve got a valid reason to be angry. I understand the need to keep some parties ”private”–space limitations, budget reasons, even in some cases for reasons of confidentiality e.g. a new product launch.
But there is a way to have these parties without offending and being exclusive. I’m not familiar with the specifics of your situation, but it sounds like someone could have been a bit more tactful. We’ve all been the odd man out before, and even if we understand the reasoning it still kind of sucks. So, I’m sorry to hear about what happened. Having spent the last few days at Evo myself I have been nothing but impressed with the caliber of people in attendance. But then again, we’ve all done stupid things before.
Why don’t you take the person aside and let them know how it made you feel? I’m sure the sponsor would be horrified to hear that this happened, but at the same time, we live in an imperfect world filled with imperfect people.
Hang in there. Get a good night’s sleep. And have an amazing day as the conference wraps up tomorrow.

26 06 2010
Backpacking Dad

That is not any way to run a railroad. If you want to keep the numbers down (gate crashers out, sort of thing), then have someone at the door with a guest list. Then you can avoid having to be all cryptic about the party and coming off like someone being a prick for the sake of prickness.

Is it okay if I say “prickness” on your blog? WordPress spellchecker doesn’t recognize it, but I’d say that’s just another example of it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: