Matter over Mind

14 06 2010

“I never bother about that. Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.”
– Bernard Baruch

I likes me the Twitter. Really. You can follow me @Jenndola. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but there’s a good reason I’m bringing this up again (apart from wanted lots more followers so I can build my army of tweeting minions).

Twitter – like most social organizations – has cliques. Or perhaps calling them cliques is unfair–it’s more groups of people who know each other well and generally don’t recognize the existence of others.

Yeah, I’m bitter and judgmental. It’s my blog, so I get to do that. Plus, I’m working toward a point here.

Tonight on Twitter I watched women chat back and forth. I tossed out a comment here and there, cracked a few jokes…and was, for the most part, ignored. (Not completely–there are some lovely exceptions, but I’m trying to make a point here, people. Stop interrupting.)

I felt hurt. I had something to contribute, and nobody was paying attention to me. I started to become sad until I had a stunning moment of clarity:

I don’t actually know these women. I’m getting depressed about being ignored by people who, for all intents and purposes, live inside my computer.

Yeah. Pretty pathetic.

I’ve spent some time tonight trying to pin down why on earth I need the validation of people I’ve never met, and here’s what I’ve come up with: deep down inside, I’m still the social outcast from middle school. I still believe no matter what I say, it won’t matter because I don’t matter.

I’m not in middle school anymore. I have something to say to the 12-year-old girl living inside of me.

You matter. You have interesting, sometimes even important things to say. Speak up, because people need to hear you. People want to hear you.

Make yourself heard.

Yeah, middle school sucked, but it was over 20 years ago. You turn 34 next week. You have two beautiful sons, a ridiculously patient husband, and a really annoying but still awesome dog who follows you everywhere.  It’s time to be who you truly are, not who you think you are.

You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it, people like you!

*My favorite moment while writing this post has to be when iTunes shuffled through “One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces” by Ben Folds Five. If you know the song, you’ll get why that made me laugh. If you don’t know the song, you probably think I’m really weird for listening to a song about a dwarf. Stop judging me.

**The WordPress proofreader doesn’t recognize my Twitter handle. I have the overwhelming urge to yell, “Don’t you know who I am?!”

***I won’t, though. Everyone is asleep.

****Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow.

*****But probably not, because by then I’ll have forgotten.

******In fact, I’ve already forgotten what the crap I was talking about.

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13 responses

29 06 2010
Ishita

you don’t know how much this helped me. misery loves company they say(yeah m the self castigating- ending -up- feeling -really- insecure types- constantly-worrying of- being-judged as well)
Oh thats why m not on twitter, fb is enough to the trick. ok so m not gonna ramble on. but seriously i love the way u write!

26 06 2010
Elisa

AMEN and amen.

I like you. A lot.

26 06 2010
Back to My Corner « Like Swimming

[…] new to my blog, you might want to do a little catching up with my post about social anxiety and my perceptions of Twitter cliques. I’ll give you a […]

16 06 2010
Judi

Great post Jenny!

14 06 2010
Alex

That’s exactly why I’m not interested in Twitter, I don’t think I’d do well in that environment ;-). Real life is hard enough.

14 06 2010
Jackie

I still carry around my social outcast middle school version as well.
Maybe they can be twitter buddies!

14 06 2010
Holly

I can relate… and I WAS the outsider cheerleader of the cheerleaders… HAH!!

I worked SO HARD to make it… I did… but I wasn’t the one that just wanted to agree with everything the bimbo would spout out… so I was still an outcast… Now I find that I still will avoid THEM if it becomes necessary… WHY go back… WHY????

I usually have multiple windows open while I do editing and flip through while waiting for large files to save… so I’m usually the interruptor, I guess… I’ll throw things out now and then to no response… no new page views or followers… but I’m quite random and maybe my page is as bipolar as I am… I’m NOT that bad… HONEST!! ;p

(((HUGS))) and I think you’re GRrrrE….AT!!! ;D

14 06 2010
crnnoel

I know exactly what you mean 🙂 I easily feel excluded… so… twitter can be my worst nightmare! It’s a love hate relationship, really. Off to follow you, and when you crack jokes – if I’m on I’ll laugh publicly 🙂

14 06 2010
Mr. Decal

Thank you for writing! We all have the primal need to be connected to others. I hear your call for connections, whether face to face or electronically.

I believe every person’s life experiences are worth listening to because they enrich our own lives. By blogging and sharing a small view of yourself you have demonstrated that people in general seem to have the same desires to be connected and to be heard.

Now I know I am not the only one who desires to be connected to others, thank you for revealing that we are not alone in our struggle.

Doug Bryant
The Decal Factory – The best decals, signs, labels, posters, stickers and banners in the industry for business and hobby. Toll Free – (800) 369-5331

14 06 2010
Amy

I feel exactly the same way. I watch all of these conversations going back and forth and people throwing out questions and getting answers back. And I also see conversations going on that I feel like I want to jump into but I think “oh why would they care about what I have to say.” so then I don’t jump in and I feel sad that I didn’t. But I’m afraid I’ll feel even worse if I jump in and I’m ignored.

sigh, twitter is so fun but it is also one more place to feel like the teenager that hasn’t come into her own yet and wants to be accepted by the cheerleaders – until you are a cheerleader.

and from my observations – you are WAY cool on twitter (I thought you were part of the in-crowd.)

14 06 2010
Kristina P.

We all need validation in our lives, no matter how old we are. I was recently having a conversation about some mean stuff that had been going on, and someone said that they honestly didn’t care what these people thought of them, and I called BS on that. It’s OK to care. It makes us human.

And you know you are making my case for me to not be on Twitter, even stronger.

14 06 2010
Jill Oliver

I came over from Heather’s EO blog. You have no idea how much this has helped me. I too struggle with this. I can totally relate — in fact, if I could write (anything more than a comment) what is a constant refrain in my head — this would be it. Thanks.

14 06 2010
~j.

I hope I didn’t contribute to that. Not that I’d expect you to tell me if I did.

I like you.

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