You Probably Shouldn’t Have Sex

23 04 2010

As many of you know, I have an unnatural fascination with prescription medication commercials. Okay, fine, it’s really just the medications for erectile dysfunction. And no, this obsession has nothing to do with my love life, you perverts.

Anyway, I saw a commercial for Viagra tonight in which a gentleman (we’ll call him “Bob”) was conversing with his reflection. “Are you going to talk to the doctor about our erectile dysfunction?” This concerned me. Does Bob frequently seek advice from his reflection? Or is he speaking in the royal “we”? Either way, I find myself somewhat concerned about Bob’s significant other. Does he or she know about Bob’s disturbing habit of speaking with nonexistent personages?

As I pondered this question, I saw this flash on the screen and decided Bob’s psychiatric condition is probably irrelevant:

Dude. Seriously?

I’d ask if this warning is really necessary, but I work in a pharmacy and am sadly aware that it is. Still, I’d like to go on record as saying that if you’re stupid enough to think Viagra protects against STDs, you’re definitely too stupid to have sex.

In other news, my list of people too stupid to have sex is becoming unruly. Perhaps it’d be more efficient to have a list of the people allowed to have sex. I’ll start working on that.

*Thanks to all of you for your support and encouragement. We have an appointment with the pediatrician next week, so hopefully we can start to get some answers. Now stop making me cry.

**WordPress doesn’t like STDs. But really, who does?

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6 responses

24 04 2010
rachel

GAH, i committed an orthographic offense! “diappointed”, what was i thinking? i deserve your full censure, o great one. there is an s in that word. punish me!
please tell me mike ditka was never in an e.d. commercial. please.

25 04 2010
Peter
26 04 2010
jenndola

Why, Peter? Why would you post that link on my blog? You’re a terrible brother, and you are DEAD to me!

Oh, and call me when you have a minute.

24 04 2010
Peter

He’s stupid enough to get a separate tub, and stupid enough to install both tubs in plainly visible locales. That’s one way to ensure there’s no hanky panky.

Oh, and Jenny, would you prefer they do a commercial where a couple is lying in bed, sheets pulled up over their naked bodies, the man looking ashamed and the unsatisfied wife asking, “Are you going to talk to the doctor about ‘our’ erectile dysfunction?” Would that really be better? It would probably do a better job selling their product, though. At least it would be better than Mike Ditka throwing footballs through a tire swing. I’d hate to be a fly on the wall of his bedroom.

24 04 2010
jenndola

Actually, I’d prefer no commercials at all. I’m aware that’s unrealistic.

24 04 2010
rachel

i think the cialis people who bathe in separate tubs are probably too stupid to be having sex. ’cause they’re in SEPARATE tubs. “hey honey, wanna join me in the tub and get freaky?” i’ll bet she was diappointed when he pulled out his own bathtub.

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