How Do You Sizzler?

19 04 2010

Before I get started, I just have to say how much I love you guys. You have no idea what your comments mean to me. (If I actually replied to comments, you might have an idea, but this is a lot easier.) I’m happy to report that today is a much better day. I also have an appointment with my therapist next week. Hurrah!

There’s a billboard I’ve seen several times that annoys me on many levels. Take a gander:

There are so many problems here I barely know where to start. No, that’s not true–let’s start with Sizzler is not a verb. Sizzler will never be a verb. When I see Sizzler used as a verb, I feel like I’m looking at the Engrish website.

Also? This guy used to Sizzler with his dad? If Sizzler were a verb, I don’t think it would be something you’d want to do with your dad.

Then there’s the superfluous ellipsis. Oh, superfluous ellipsis, how I love thee. You make every sentence wonderful! Whenever I use you, I feel like a teenage girl again. A teenage girl with a cell phone and a twitter account. (OMG…@JustinBieber…ur so hott…cu l8r!)

Seriously. What purpose does this ellipse serve? Is it building suspense? He Sizzlered* with his dad and now his…therapist’s kids are attending Ivy League schools?

I have a better idea:

Don't try to steal this. I will totally Sizzler you.

Yes, I did spend an hour learning Gimp just so I could doctor that photo for you. I wanted to add in a mutant baby peeking over the guy’s shoulder, but it’s 2 a.m. and I need my beauty sleep. FYI, do yourself a favor and never do a Google image search for mutant baby.

*The only thing better than a fake verb? A fake verb in the past tense!
**The only thing better than the past tense of a fake verb? The WordPress editor’s suggestions for an alternative. It’s like reading the lyrics to a Snoop Dogg song!

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18 responses

21 09 2010
Adam

Dude… was googling around for an image of this Billboard, and lo and behold – you have provided the goods.

I absolutely, absolutely love your post… that billboard needs a copywriter like the plane is going down. If you enjoy this sort of tomfoolery, you should totally check out my ad agency’s awards page – you’ll freak out and die. It’s called The Tracy’s – http://www.thetracyawards.com.

12 08 2010
Molly

I love this post. I want to sizzler it. But not with my dad.

12 08 2010
I Won’t Be Your Neighbor « Like Swimming

[…] I pay far too much attention to billboards. You probably noticed this back when I talked about the Sizzler billboard. (It remains one of my favorite posts so if you haven’t yet read it, you now have a homework […]

21 04 2010
Steph @ AnnoyinglyDomestic

I just stumbled over here from BlogFrog, but had to comment on this – you’re hysterical! Love it. Thanks for the smile. 🙂

21 04 2010
jenndola

Thanks Steph! 🙂

20 04 2010
Mom

I blame it on the Japanese
(I felt so strongly about my opinion, that I was willing to lie on the floor for five minutes trying to reconnect the keyboard!)

20 04 2010
word girl

fortunately, i never sizzlered with anyone but my husband, because i’m just that pure.

20 04 2010
Mimi

The very first time I saw that billboard I was like, “Oh my gosh, what is going on on there?!?!!? *shock awe disgust*” Then I read the words… and that made it worse!! Oh my!

20 04 2010
Peter

Oh, and as for the question posed by the billboard, “How do YOU Sizzler,” I’m deeply tempted to respond in a dirty, dirty way, but I will refrain so as not to add to Jenny’s therapist’s workload. You’re welcome.

21 04 2010
jenndola

You’re the best brother EVER.

20 04 2010
Peter

Kristina, if you’re correct, then “I Sizzlered her” would definitely sound more appropriate, relatively speaking, than “I used to Sizzler with my Dad.” Of course, that’s coming from a male perspective. Thanks, Jenny; you totally made my day with this post.

20 04 2010
Karla

Have you ever considered working for “The Tonight Show”? I’m sure you could keep the nation laughing with all the funny things you find!

20 04 2010
Kristina P.

Is this the new Google type verb? Like I Googled her?

20 04 2010
Pearl

I’ve seen this bill board and it makes me crazy too! Plus I don’t like to eat there, so all around, I’m annoyed.

Glad you are getting in to your therapist! I read your post from the other day, and even though I don’t know you, I was worried! Depression sucks!

21 04 2010
jenndola

Thanks for worrying about me, Pearl! It’s always nice to know that people care. 🙂

20 04 2010
Alayne

Thanks for writing this post.
It isnt even 9 am here yet and I’m having one of those days where I just want it to be bed time already :p Maybe if I Sizzlered I might feel a little better.
Anyway, your post made me laugh, and I so needed that.

21 04 2010
jenndola

Laynie, I think it depends on who you Sizzlered with. But I’ll leave that up to you–some things shouldn’t be discussed in public forums.

20 04 2010
Sunny

Maybe it is the Catholic pedophile scandal, maybe I have a dirty mind but it seems to me that one who Sizzlers with their dad ends up with many many years of psychological problems and scars. Why does Sizzler even attempt to use their name as a verb, it only leads to the gutter. Which is where your blog post led me. Thanks Jenny!

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