An Open Letter to My Mother-in-Law

11 01 2010

Dear Renee,

No, Big G isn’t potty-trained. Yes, he’s 4 years old. Yes, I’m aware that children much younger than him are successfully using the toilet. Here are some things you might not be aware of:

1. I love poop! What other reason could there possibly be to keep my 4-year-old in diapers? Really, there’s nothing more I’d rather do with my day than change diaper after stinky diaper. I might just have another baby so that I have THREE children in diapers. Ah, what fresh heaven!

2. God is punishing me for silently criticizing my brother when his 4-year-old was not yet using the bathroom. God’s kinda whacked that way.

3. The whole silent criticism thing will work about as well for me as it did for my brother.

4. I’ve tried begging, pleading, rewarding, punishing (albeit mild punishment, because the last thing I want to do is cause years of bathroom-related therapy) and pretty much everything else I can think of. Big G just doesn’t care. He apparently has much better things to do with his time.

5. Since he doesn’t start kindergarten for a year and a half, I can say with a fair amount of certainty that he will not be wearing a diaper when he goes to school.

I know you want what’s best for us. I want that, too. However, unless you’re prepared to spend a considerable amount of time potty-training my child yourself…back off. I have enough going on in my life and I refuse to add this to my ever-growing pile-o-guilt.

Sincerely,

Jenny

P.S. Why yes, that was an amazing dinner I cooked for you tonight. Thanks for mentioning that. Oh, wait…you didn’t. Never mind.

P.P.S. My 20-month-old still has a bottle. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

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7 responses

24 03 2010
Boquinha

Three Things:

1. I take it your MIL doesn’t read your blog.

2. PETER!! Why isn’t Peter commenting on our blog, too? Whaaaaaaaa.

3. I’m a BIG believer in potty training around age 4(ish). That’s great that people can do it when kids are 1 and 2 and 3. More power to them as they clean mess after mess after mess. Wait until your kid is good and ready and he’ll do it in a day. Bah!

(Peter, seriously.)

24 03 2010
jenndola

Two things:

1. No, she doesn’t. I doubt she ever will, and that’s okay.

2. I take no responsibility for the actions (or lack thereof) of my brother. You’ll have to take it up with him! 😉

12 02 2010
Aimee

LOL!! Oh how funny! 🙂 I could never write a letter to my MIL on my blog (though gratefully I have a wonderful one), because she reads it. But this is awesome.

21 01 2010
Liz

Amen! My daughter did not fully potty train until almost 5 yrs old. And I too had to endure the guilt trip-on every.single.phone call. Good luck to you!

21 01 2010
danessa

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh my goodness Jenny. How I do love your wit and humor. It will happen. Seriously, one day G will decide that today is the day. It may be like my niece….her younger sister potty training was GREAT motivation!

14 01 2010
Steve

Jenn, I hope you mother in law reads your blog *LOL* Might be the only way to get the message across. Divulge it to the whle world *S*

12 01 2010
Peter

Just so you know, even though I agree this is God’s twisted sense of humor causing this problem in response to your criticism of me, I take no pleasure in your suffering. If everybody that is not identified as one of Big G’s parents would just back off, then you could certainly take more of a Hakuna Matata approach to potty training, as I agree there is almost no chance Big G will be wearing diapers to kindergarten. Or maybe the Hakuna Matata approach involves feeding Big G grubs until he gets potty trained. (When DCFS comes calling, I didn’t suggest that as a feasible potty training strategy.)

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