My Least Favorite Things

15 06 2010

I’m kinda weird.

If you weren’t aware of that, hi! I’m Jenny, and this must be your first visit to my blog.

Today I was thinking about phobias. Everybody has them. Most of mine are pretty common–spiders, heights, enclosed spaces. (I actually didn’t realize I was claustrophobic until I had an MRI. Yeah. Should’ve taken the Valium.)

Some of my phobias are…well, we’ll call them idiosyncratic.

Strange phobia #1:

Bridges. Maybe this isn’t that odd. Are a lot of people afraid of bridges? I’ll fly on a plane any day, but get me near a bridge and I practically hyperventilate until we’ve crossed it. This could be because I lived in the Bay Area in 1989 when this happened:

So it’s a justifiable phobia, right? I have water issues, too. That probably doesn’t help.

Strange phobia #2:

Nipples. No, I’m not afraid nipples will attack me (that just created a really frightening visual and I might not sleep tonight). I would just prefer to ignore their existence. Every woman should wear a bra. Seriously, people. I know you have nipples. You don’t need to prove it to me.

I blame this phobia on Billy Blanks:

Do you see that? It’s like his nipple is taunting me. If you’ve ever watched the basic Tae Bo video, you know that Billy Blanks’ nipples play hide-and-seek the entire time. It’s beyond disturbing.

Strange Phobia #3:

Windmills. Shut up. I’m not talking about the cute little Dutch windmills that make you think of people wearing wooden clogs, carrying around tulips. I’m talking about these ungodly creations:

Laugh it up, suckers. When one of those blades breaks loose and mows you down, I’ll be the one laughing. Actually, I’ll probably be screaming. But you get the idea.

*Today’s pathetic effort by the WordPress proofreader to make me feel inferior: the words “hi,” “should’ve” and “hyperventilate.” Really, proofreader, it’s like you’re not even trying anymore.


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18 responses

12 01 2012
Search Me « Like Swimming

[…] I do find it hilarious that I consistently (seriously, every day) get hits from “Billy Blanks,” since the only time I’ve mentioned him on my blog is when I talked about how phenomenally creepy I find his peek-a-boo nipples. […]

27 06 2010
b.

I hope we can still be friends, because:
a.) I live by the windmills
and
2.) You must cross a bridge (named “Scary Bridge”) to get to my house.

16 06 2010
rachel

your phobias seem perfectly reasonable to me. of course this is coming from a hypochondriac, so….. nipples are atrocious. seeing nipples makes me gag. men or women, it doesn’t matter. i agree 100%.

15 06 2010
Annette

I have a bridge phobia, but it’s the other direction–I fear going UNDER them under a freeway overpass. I’m afraid it’ll fall on me.

Now you can share that phobia with me. You’re welcome.

(I share claustrophobia. I’ve had 2 MRIs and was stupid enough to go through Hezekiah’s Tunnel in Jerusalem–where they HAVE A SIGN stating that anyone with a fear of small spaces shouldn’t go in. Yeah. Brilliance!)

15 06 2010
Peter

Wait, you’re afraid of windmills but not ceiling fans? I can’t go to sleep at night if my ceiling fan is on high. I’m convinced it will fly off the ceiling and shred me into pieces. Has that ever been in a horror movie? I’m sure it has.

But if you really do have a windmill phobia, you probably shouldn’t move to Milford, since it’s now home to Utah’s largest wind farm. Dozens of turbines spinning around the clock. And though I know this will harm our relationship permanently, I had a not-insignificant role in getting those windmills constructed. Oh, and I have nipples, too.

15 06 2010
Jenny

You’re, like, the worst brother EVER.

15 06 2010
Molly

Bridges. Oh lord. They scare the CRAP out of me. I cannot bike across them. I hate driving across them.

Also, big trucks. Like… tractor trailers. OH THE ANXIETY!

15 06 2010
John Halladay

You’ve reminded me of a video I found on youtube of a windmill exploding from going too fast. You probably don’t want to watch it; the rest of you, enjoy.

15 06 2010
Jenny

John, you kinda suck. ;-)

15 06 2010
Julie

Thanks for the memory of the earthquake and the laugh about the nipples! I couldn’t agree more. I’ve been known for comparing that sight to roadkill. You don’t want to look but you just do and then you’re disgusted.

15 06 2010
Mimi

Wow, Jenny… you do have some strange phobias! I love bridges; nipples are a little weird, but not scary; and windmills are cool! As messed up as I am, I don’t really have a phobia… I might be a little claustrophobic, but other than the St. Louis Arch (which I love!! It sways in the wind, it’s so awesome!) I’ve never really been in very small spaces. …and I’ve caught and photographed spiders for fun. Wow, I’m weird.

Don’t worry Jenny, I won’t attack you with nipple-windmills in a closet. Oh, and you should tell that WordPress where they can stuff their less-than-mediocre dictionary!!

15 06 2010
Aimee

I am always surprised at how many people hate the MRI. Not that I enjoy them, but I don’t have a problem with it, even though I am a little claustrophobic too. I think it helps knowing that I will eventually get let out of there and am not stuck forever in the tube. ;)

LOL on the nipples, especially the Billy Blanks nipples. What is up with that outfit?!

15 06 2010
Kristina P.

Bridges are actually a very common one. And how do you feel about classy accidental nipple slips.

BTW, I had to tell you, I had dinner with Elisa from Mormon Mommy Blogs, and we talked about you last night. She said that she clicked over to your blog a couple of nights ago, and was mesmerized. She read your entire blog. We were talking about how much we admired you and loved your wit and humor.

15 06 2010
Amy

I am deathly afraid of bridges and tunnels. As I child, I remember going on a bridge in Northern California. By the time we reached the end of it, I was hyperventilating and curled up on the floor of the car shaking. I still nearly die to go over a bridge. Especially one where you can see the water through it or a really high one. Tunnels? Going through a mile long tunnel under the alps with my husband and oldest daughter – is a story my husband loves to tell. Imagine an 35 year old woman curled in a ball hyperventilating. Yup, that was me.

Nipples on the other hand make me laugh. My mom never allowed us to use the “n-word” so my husband has managed to bring nipple into conversations with her frequently. It’s always a good laugh.

15 06 2010
Tara

I am officially going to have nightmares about Billy Blanks nipples and the windmills up Spanish Fork canyon now. Hopefully they will turn on each other before they get to me! LOL!

over from mmb

15 06 2010
Jenny

Awesome. My work here is done.

15 06 2010
Sue

I can’t say I enjoyed driving back home across the bridge from West Virginia to Ohio with my then infant daughter in the back. I was a nervous wreck. St. Louis Arch, oh, it’s even worse at a young age when it is coupled with a family member’s attempt at levity by getting the SMALL car swinging side to side so it sounds as if it’s banging on the arch structure on it’s way up. Oh yeah, good times. LOL

I’ve also come to the determination that I am part Cat, I dislike water. I don’t like my feet wet, can’t get me into water you can’t see through (pond/lake) even though it’s difficult to get me into a swimming pool period.

And of course the ever popular dislike/fear of clowns. Yes, I had to smile bravely in 8th grade when I received a malevolent looking clown bank as part of our Secret Santa gift exchange. I never ‘fed’ it coins. One word folks, “re-gifted”!

15 06 2010
Boquinha

Vivian told me there is a volunteer organization in the Bay Area to aid those with bridge phobias. Since there are so many bridges in the SF area, for those who are afraid, they can call a volunteer who will meet them on one side of the bridge and ride with them to the other side and talk them through it all the way.

Also, did you know you can ride to the top of the St. Louis Arch? Neat, right? You ride in a small (emphasis on SMALL) compartment with 5 tiny seats. It creaks all the way up and takes several minutes. You can’t see outside during that ride. Most claustrophobic I’ve ever felt.

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